Staying Together
by LittleMermade
Summary: 31 One-Shots centered around Steve and Nat. Other characters will be in some of the stories. Now complete! Check it out :)
1. Disguise

_Okay, let's try this again! :) Last year I challenged myself to write a One-Shot everyday for a month (like Inktober), but I didn't complete it. This year I'm trying again, but I plan on only doing Romanogers-stories. I know right away some days my hand will slip and I'll do something else, but I try to avoid that as much as possible._

 _Warnung: The One-shots will not be beta-read and not super high quality. Most will be short too_.

 **October 1st: Disguise**

 **Post Civil War, pre Infinity War**

Steve quickly stole another glance at the wristwatch. It was just a cheap one from some Wallmart, but he was so used to having one that he had to buy one on the run, one that isn't tracable. Impacently Steve paced up and down the 3rd floor of their small motel in London, England. They had checked in a few hours ago and almost everyone had settled in their rooms already.

It had been a hard week. Steve had received a tip on Nat's location from T'Challa.

Not long after Steve had broken the others out of prison Natasha was suspected to be dangerous to the Accords as well - since she had helped them escape in Frankfurt.

Nat was smart, however, and fled the US before they even trief to arrest her. The news of the Black Widow (another dangerous individual) being out there now as well quickly spread. Every news outlet, even international ones, were on the story immediately and Steve first heard it in Paris. His French was pretty good since he had eventually picked it up during the war so he contacted Wakanda right away. He wouldn't let Natasha alone with her troubles, he owed her since the airport-situation.

A few days later Shuri had found her. Natasha was a master at hiding, but not even she could beat Wakandan tech. The team had picked her up in the Netherlands the day after and everything went smooth for another day, but then some Interpol-agents were on them. They had taken off from where they were staying immediately and left the jet in a rural area somewhere on the way between Brighton and London.

One more look down on his wrist; Steve ran a hand through his hair. Only about 5 minutes had passed, but every minute one of his friends was missing was one too many. She only wanted to pick up a few groceries and essentials. What if the agents had followed them anyway?

Steve sighed and started walking again, this time toward the elevator. He was about to press the button and go look in the neighborhood when the doors opened with a screetching sound. Nat still looked the same as when she had left the building- her red hair tied up in a messy low bun which was only showing a little under the baseball-cap. She had bags under her eyes and was wearing a mix of all her team-members clothing. Steve was pretty sure the hat was borrowed from Sam and the Pullover was his. The skinny jeans were Wanda's since Nat didn't like buying ripped Jeans herself. The sneakers were her own.

Nat started smiling a small smile when she was standing face to face with Steve: „Why are you not in bed?"

Steve's tense features softened as he saw she was back unharmed: „I can't sleep if I can't be sure you're okay."

Nat rolled her eyes: „Don't be so dramatic, Rogers..."

Steve grinned: „Don't act as if you are better."

Nat started grinning now as well: „Uhh... grown a beard and instant sass."

Before Steve could talk back to her she raised her paper-bag up a bit and started speaking again: „Hey... talking about that, would you mind helping me unpack."

A little bit confused about her request Steve nodded his head yes anyway: „Okay... if you want me to."

Nat didn't say anything and darted towards her room instantly. Steve followed her there as she let him in and sat the bag down on the bed. She threw a few sandwiches, water, fruit and soap on the bedside-table before pulling a small box out of the bag. It was hairdye - bleach blonde. Steve closed the door behind him and his eyes fell on the packaging in her hands. He hesitated before he said: „You sure about that?"

Nat looked up at him: „100 %... you guys all look different too. Okay, maybe Sam doesn't, but you do and Wanda bleaches her hair as well. Mine is just too eye-catching."

Nodding again Steve said: „Yeah... you are right after all. They can't find us again so quickly."

Nat pulled the lid open and unpacked. She skimmed the instructions before handing Steve the bottle of dye: „Make sure it is applied evenly."

Steve took it from her hesitantly: „Me? Are you sure I am qualified to... I mean... wouldn't you prefer Wanda doing it tomorrow?"

Nat grinned pulled a glove out of the packaging which she handed over as well: „No, stupid. It is light dye, which you let set overnight. I'll wash it out when I wake up tomorrow. You do it."

Steve sighed and put the glove on with a bit of a struggle. His hands were clearly too big for a glove that came with women's hairdye.

He watched Nat sit down on the bed and removing the hat and hairtie.

She was looking up at him expectantly. Pulling open the medium sized bottle he sat down behind her crosslegged.

Nat waited for him to start and said in a low voice: „Come on, Cap... it's like shampoo. Just don't massage it in there all that much."

Steve poured some of the dye on the glove: „Well... they didn't teach us that in the army."

Nat grinned as Steve started putting the substance on her head. It was nice. She felt a soft pull every now and then followed by a muffled apology from her stylist in training.

When Steve was done she quickly put plastic over her whole hair: „Impressive... you should consider a change of career."

Steve rose from the bed and smirked: „You told me all along I was in the wrong business. Looks like you have an instinct when it comes to that."

Nat chuckled when she thought back to that time in their lives. It felt like it had been a long time ago when it had only been a few years. They had gone through so much stuff together since the fall of the helicarriers. Somehow she was glad she had stopped working under the Sokovia Accords. It had led her back to the core of the team she trained with Steve for the past two years. And of course to Steve.

„Looks horrible... hopefully I didn't mess it up too badly." Steve's voice interrupted her train of thought.

Nat looked up and responded: „Nah... that will look good tomorrow. Go to sleep now, old man. It's way past you bedtime."

Steve grinned: „Hey... show some respect for your seniors. I'll see the outcome tomorrow."

He looked at Nat one last time before leaving the room. It felt good to have her back.


	2. Why waste the opportunity?

_Thanks a lot for the follows and especially the review. It motivates me to continue the challenge._

 **October 2nd: Why waste the opportunity?**

 **Post Age of Ultron, pre Civil War (AU-ish)**

It was about 6 pm when Nat entered the kitchen of the New Avengers Facility. She assumed to be the only one there that day since it was February 14th so she had done some exercise in the training rooms. After that she had showered and put on some oversized sweater-dress before grabbing something to drink.

Rhodey had left in the early afternoon to go on a date and Wanda and Sam were out as well to 'protest Valentine's since it was only cannibalized by capitalism' - which Nat was pretty sure was their secret language for 'date'. Steve had made plans with Sharon whome had gone out with him once before and they were starting to grow closer. He should be gone by now too.

Nat walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. Before taking a swig she turned around and froze. Steve was sitting by the kitchen table with a cup of coffee reading a book. He looked up as he realized she was looking at him and tried a smile: „Hey Nat..."

Nat put the bottle down again and walked over to the table confused: „Why are you still here? Shouldn't you be on your way?"

Steve closed the book softly: „No... change of plans."

Nat knew he was trying to hide it, but it was clear as daylight he was upset. She pulled a chair over and sat down. Hesitantly she decided to address it: „Why is that?"

Steve started chewing on his bottom lip: „I... I went for a run earlier today and when I came back I had one new voicemail. It was from Sharon."

Careful not to interrupt him now Nat just nodded lightly and let him continue when he was ready.

He sighed and unlocked his phone. Quicker than she assumed he would do he started playing the voicemail to her. Sharon's voice was a bit shaky and distant: „Hey Steve... sorry I am calling so late, but... I need to cancel. I am so, so sorry - really! We need to go another time for sure, but I need to see my aunt, she is not at all well. Sorry again, bye."

Steve carefully sat the phone down on top of his book and shrugged: „Not her fault."

A moment of silence filled the room before Nat spoke up again: „I see why she can't come... but why did she have to tell you so late?"

Trying a smile Steve said: „It's okay. I can just stay here with you instead."

Nat smiled softly: „That's not the same... you deserve better."

Rolling his eyes Steve responded: „That's not true. Maybe we can watch a movie or just relax. That's just fine."

Nat didn't want to accept that and looked over to the oven to check the time: „When did you say you needed to be at the restaurant?"

Steve followed her eyes confused: „7.30... why do you want to know?"

Nat grinned: „That should do... I'll change right now and we'll take your motorcycle. That way we can avoid traffic and we'll make it in time."

Steve grinned: „Nat... no! You don't need to do that for me. It's not a big deal."

She rose from the chair and crossed her arms: „Why waste the opportunity? I bet you chose a nice restaurant with really nice food. I like nice places and I love food."

Carrying his mug over to the sink Steve said: „Do you mean it?"

Nat looked in his direction: „Don't you want to buy a lady dinner, Cap?"

Smirking he turned around to face her again: „I never knew you considered yourself a lady, Romanoff."

Natasha shook her head, grinning: „I'll meet you in the garage in 15 minutes. You better be there!" She started walking towards her rooms to find something to wear. She didn't like to admit it, but she was looking forward to the evening. She should really not be happy that Steve was left behind without a date on Valentine's Day, but that was the closest thing to describe how it made her feel. To know that Sharon was not really a 'danger' - no, that wasn't right. Steve didn't deserve to be alone - he should have someone to love and to love him back just as much. But maybe just for today she could be happy he was with her and not with another girl.

Quickly Nat opened her closet and looked through her things. She didn't have time to think about it a lot so she just put on black tights (because without it would be a cold motorcycle-ride for her) and a wine-red dress; short sleeves and falling down to just above her knees. Then she loosened her hairtie and brushed through it with her fingers. She stole a look on her phone which told her she had 5 minutes left. With one hand she grabbed a purse and with the other she picked out a lipstick that was the same shade as the dress. With lots of years of experience she managed to put it on perfectly on the first try.

Next to the door she slipped on her go-to heels before looking in the mirror again. Her goal was to cheer Steve up and she knew: It would be a good night.


	3. Hiraeth

**October 3rd: Hiraeth**

 **(Post CA:TWS)**

 _Hiraeth (welsh): a longing for a home you can't return to, or one that was never yours. not necessarily a house, but a homely feeling such as love._

Steve was sitting on the small bed. He was leaning against the wall his eyes wandering around the little hotel room. Outside the full moon was bright and the thin purple curtains couldn't stop it from coming in. The walls were grey in the semi-darkness, but he knew of the salmon-like color they reflected at daytime. The TV sat on the small table and the red light indicated it was in power safe mode. The bathroom door was closed, so was the room door next to it. On the opposite side of the room, right under the window Sam was sound asleep in his bed.

Steve sighed and shifted a little so his feet wouldn't develop the feeling of pins and needles.

It was late - Steve wasn't exactly sure how late, but he had given up sleep after a few tries. They had been looking for Bucky for a few months already. Nothing came up so far and that was what worried Steve. What if Hydra had cells in other countries that had survived the exposure of the files on the internet? Bucky was involved with those people and Steve was sure they wouldn't be too happy about Bucky not completing his mission.

He didn't really know why, but he needed to find Buck soon. Everything was different for him. The last bits of his 'old life' were fading. He still had Peggy, but it wasn't the same. She wasn't the Peggy he had known anymore. The world around him kept turning while his had been frozen in place for over half a century.

Bucky, however, was still there. Somewhere inside the Winter Soldier was his best friend - the guy he knew and had known all his life.

Once Steve had returned to the neighborhood he had lived in as a kid until his mom had passed. They had torn down most of the houses he had known and built new ones - taller ones. The clubs and dance bars were now restaurants and bakeries and modern discos. Nothing really was the same - only him. He couldn't go back home. There was nothing to come home to in Brooklyn. The only thing Steve could ever come home to was Bucky.

It was cold in Russia that time of year - especially in the northern regions. Natasha was carefully sipping on a cup of coffee. Her hands were shaking, but she knew it wasn't because of the temperature. Her eyes were cold and everything felt heavy. She couldn't cry. Maybe it would relieve some of the things she had experienced the past days.

Originally she planned on spending some time in Mexico after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., but soon she realized that wasn't what she was looking for. Her journey had led her to Spain and France, through Germany and Poland, but eventually she found herself where she currently was. It was hard to explain, but after all the horrible things that had happened in Natasha's childhood Russia still was the closest to a home she ever had.

Sure, Clint had done his best to give her a home in the middle of his own, but that was Clint's family not Nat's. She needed to find her own place in the world. There was this feeling she had, the feeling of longing. She wanted to find what was missing. She wanted to be complete, but it never occurred to her where she would find it.

So on that cold winter's day in November she found herself wandering through the rural area she lived in before she was taken by the KGB. It had taken her some time of research since she couldn't remember the first two years of her life a lot, but eventually she found an address.

Large parts of the block were in ruins. There had been a fire or a bombing of some kind. No one was living there anymore. Not sure what to do Nat had just continued walking down the street of the town that must have been her home once. The church drew her in. It was a Russian Orthodox church, a little too big for the town.

That is where she had found them. Her parents' graves looked forgotten by the world. The stones were old and hadn't been replaced since they had died. There were no decorations.

Natasha looked down on her coffee again. Her small headspace had shattered. There was nothing she could come home to. There were no relatives, no siblings - not even the house where she had once lived was there anymore.

In moments like this one she felt as if the world was way too big, but it still had nothing to offer for people like her. For people who knew no home.


	4. Just for today

**October 4th: Just for today**

 **(Pre Infinity War)**

„Promise to not turn off you phone and share your status once a day, understood?", Steve was leaning against the rental car in the half empty parking lot as he was on the phone.

Wanda's voice on the other end was easy and she chuckled: „Yes, dad... don't worry so much, Cap. I have Sam with me and it'll only be half a week until we are coming back to assist you."

Steve's eyes were locked on Natasha who was looking around the area nearby while talking. The sun was reflecting off of her blonde hair and her light summer dress was covered in a flowery print.

He quickly replied: „I know... just be careful, you two. And if we need the jet or you earlier I'll let you know."

The call ended and Steve opened the trunk of the car. He took out his own bag as well as Nat's and she soon was by his side again: „Are they alright?"

Steve nodded while he locked the car: „Fine... they promised to be careful."

Nat grinned: „They are all adults, you know?"

Steve sighed: „Yeah, I know. But sometimes I feel like I am responsible for their safety. They are in this situation because of me."

Nat rolled her eyes and picked up her own bag: „No, they are not. Everyone had a choice and they chose this."

They started walking towards the nearby building. It was a hotel, not too big but still three stories tall. Steve nodded: „Okay, okay. I'll try to think about that."

There was a short period of silence, but when they were almost at the entrance to the lobby Natasha said in a low voice: „So... what are we? On a business trip? Married couple?"

Steve considered their options for a second before glancing down at her hand. She was still wearing the ring Clint had given her as he made her promise to stay safe before she had gone on the run. It was a small silver band with a ruby embedded in it - not too posh but still really beautiful.

He looked up to meet her eyes with his again and murmured: „Engaged."

She knew immediately what he was suggesting and nodded: „Good..."

They both put on smiles as they approached the reception and Steve was holding Nat's free hand with his. He had gotten a lot better at this.

He pulled out their fake passports and softly put them on the table: „Hey... do you have a room available for a couple of days?"

The lady typed something on her computer. Her Croatian accent was thick in her voice, but it was still clear to make out what she was saying: „Yes, a few. Double bed or singles?"

Nat chuckled and leaned her head against Steve's arm: „No need for separate beds."

The lady nodded and scanned their information. She cleared her throat and attempted small talk: „Are you here for honeymoon?"

Steve smiled and pressed a light kiss to Nat's hairline: „No, unfortunately not yet. We are getting married next year."

The lady nodded again, half listening and pretending to care: „Congratualtions. Here is the room key. Enjoy your holiday."

Nat thanked her and took the documents and keycard from the desk. The two of them took their luggage to the room. Steve dug through his things to find a lighter shirt to wear. Although it was September it was still warm in Croatia.

After he had changed he looked around for Nat and saw her standing on the small balcony. He hesitated for a moment but eventually joined her.

She didn't look at him when he stopped next to her at the handrail and instead kept focused on the sea. From their balcony they could overlook large parts of the beach and the hotels and restaurants lining up on its edge. It was getting late and the sun was starting to set, bathing the whole scenery in orange and yellow and lilac.

Her eyes still focused on the horizon Nat slowly said: „This is beautiful..."

Steve smiled and turned to her. Her green eyes were shimmering in the same shade as the ocean and the soft peachy color of the scene was illuminating her skin. The wind was playing with her soft locks and dress.

He could hear her voice in his head. He remembered what she had said to him on Sokovia when they thought they were about to die.

 _Where else do I get a view like this?_

She had been right back then and she still was. But it was not the sky and the world below, not the sunset or the sea. It had never been. It had always been her he was looking at.

Slowly he responded: „Yes... it is."

Nat now turned to face him too and their eyes locked. There was a familiarity in this. In the two of them standing together. It reminded her of Sokovia and she saw it in his eyes that he was thinking the same. A sigh escaped her mouth and she was leaning over to hug him. He wrapped his arms around her immediately and said: „I wish this was a holiday for real."

Steve could feel her smile against him as she replied: „We could make it one... just for today. Only for a few hours. The drug cartel can wait until tomorrow."

Steve loosened the embrace a bit to look at her face again: „Why not? I think we deserve this..."

Nat smirked: „But don't let the others know. We should be the hard working part."

Steve started laughing: „Sure... This will be our secret."

Nat chuckled: „Okay then... let's find some place to eat. I'm starving."

Steve slowly let her go, but took her hand on the way to the door and their fingers intertwined: „I wouldn't like that. Not so close to our wedding, you know?"

Grinning Nat locked the door behind them: „Since this is something like our pre-honeymoon then I guess, you will have to pay. To prove you'll be a good husband."


	5. A Thursday Night

_Thanks for the reviews! Especially the detailed one, that helps me a lot. Also thanks for all the follows, I didn't expect that many people! If you are especially bored you can check out my collection from last October, it has some Romanogers in it too. ;)_

 **October 5th: A Thursday Night**

 **(Most definitely AU, post AoU, pre Civil War)**

It was Thursday evening. On Thursdays the New Avengers met in their common kitchen and dined together. It had become a ritual and also important to keep everyone together.

It was already 9 PM that particular night and it was Steve's turn to do the dishes. He had put most of the stuff in the dishwasher and it was already running, but some cutlery and pans were not suitable for that and he handwashed them.

The others had already left the kitchen right after clearing the table so Steve was the only one left. He dried his hand after finishing and decided on checking if there were any new messages for the team. All of them had individual mail-accounts, but also one account for them as a team where people like Tony or Fury could contact them. It could be accessed through every computer in the building.

Steve walked over to the desk in the corner of the big living room which they all used (more for storage than anything else) and the screen lit up as he touched it. Quickly Steve logged himself into the system.

There was indeed a new message.

It was from Tony and had been sent about 40 minutes ago. Steve opened it. It was really short.

 _Hey guys!_

 _Just wanted to let you know, we now searched all the possible areas where the quinjet might have crashed right after Sokovia, but it is not here. I am pretty sure it isn't on earth._

 _Sorry_

 _T_

Steve sighed, then read the text again. He was worried about Bruce as well, but that guy was the Hulk. He was pretty sure he could handle himself just fine. It was Natasha he was more worried about now.

She wouldn't let it show, but Steve knew - she was still thinking about what had happened between Banner and her a few months prior. He still didn't know exactly what was going on back then, but it must have been important to Nat.

Sitting for a moment longer Steve opened the list of people who had seen Tony's mail already. It was him, Wanda and Nat. He turned the computer off and got up. Should he just go back to his room and leave her alone? Or should he at least try if she needed some company?

Slowly Steve walked back through the kitchen-area and started towards everyone's rooms. He stopped at his own quarters briefly to grab a bottle of vodka - just in case.

On the short walk to Nat's room he thought about what to say, but it was no use anyway. He first needed to see what mood she was in.

Hesitantly he knocked on the door twice. He heard some muffled sounds inside before Nat's voice. She sounded a bit shaky and unnerved: „Can it wait until tomorrow? I'm busy!"

Steve sighed: „Nat, it's me... I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I read the message too."

There was a pause. Then footsteps - they stopped right in front of the door: „Steve... I... really, I'm better off on my own tonight."

He looked down on his feet, not giving up so easily: „I brought you something..."

A long moment passed, but then he heard the door unlock and he was face to face with Nat. He had expected her to cry or be sad, but it was more of an angry look on her face. As if offering a calumet he stretched out the bottle of vodka in her direction. She sighed and took it from him before walking back into her living quarters: „Come on in..."

Steve closed the door behind him and followed her. She offered him a seat on the couch and took two glasses from the cabinet. She plopped down besides him and placed the glasses and the bottle on the coffee table in front of them: „Why did you come?"

Now her voice was more calm and Steve looked at the alcohol while talking: „I thought maybe... to offer comfort. But I now think you don't need it."

Nat opened the bottle carefully and poured a bit of the clear liquor in each of the glasses: „No... I mean, thanks for thinking about me, but I'm not sad."

She took her glass and Steve took the other one. He now looked at her: „What are you then?"

Nat thought about it for a second before speaking up again: „I don't know. I guess disappointed is the closest to what this is."

She stared at her glass before taking a large swig and putting it back on the table. Steve watched her and said: „Do you... somehow wish you could change what happened?"

Nat now looked up and their eyes clashed: „No... he left because that's what he wanted. I was sad at first, then angry. But now... I start to not care anymore. Him being nowhere to be found is just another indicator why I should no longer think about it."

Steve noticed how she wasn't even referring to Bruce by his name. He sipped on his vodka and nodded: „So you wouldn't be happy if Bruce came back?"

There was something in her eyes when she heard his name out loud and she was quick to respond: „Of course... but more so for him to have found his way back. But not for... whatever 'us' was. I'm done with it."

They sat in silence for a while and emptied their glasses. The ghost of a smile fell on Natasha's lips. She leaned back and turned her head so she could face her team-mate again: „Hey... are you busy or something tonight?"

Steve returned her look and started smiling too: „No, not at all."

She tugged a strand of hair behind her ear: „Maybe you could stay a little and we could watch a movie. I would like that."

Steve nodded and his smile grew a little wider: „Yeah... I would like that too."


	6. Pre-Honeymoon

_Since it was requested and I love the idea, here's a sequel to 'Just for today'. :) Warning: This will be rated M, because of sexual content (not sure if I'm good at this, maybe let me know xD)_

 **October 6th: Pre-Honeymoon**

 **(Post Civil War, pre Infinity War)**

When they entered the hotel again it was close to midnight. After dinner Natasha had suggested a walk through the small town nearby and they lost track of time a bit, especially after deciding to stop by a bar before leaving.

Laughter was filling the halls as they entered the stairway. Nat was the first to catch her breath again: „And... and did you see those two old guys having a drinking contest over a fish? I couldn't believe it."

Steve grinned: „Of course. I doubt the winner did find his way back home after that."

Nat tried to not start laughing again and settled with a low chuckle: „You should have challenged them! That is a thing I would have liked to watch."

Steve couldn't help but burst out in laughter again: „That would be cruel! Those poor guys..."

Nat shrugged innocently: „I bet that fish was a good catch. I wanted it..."

Steve pulled the key card out of his pocket: „Well... then you should have been the one to challenge."

On that note Nat's grin just got wider.

Steve unlocked the door and let her in first: „Wait... no. That wouldn't have been fair as well. They wouldn't stand a chance."

Nat threw her purse in a corner and watched him lock the door behind him: „Maybe I'll go for it next time."

They both looked at each other for a few moments, just standing in the entrance-area of their room. It had been a nice night out, like a break and it was clear they didn't want the break to end all too soon.

Steve put the keycard down on the coat track and slowly approached Natasha. He stopped only inches away from her and took her hands in his: „Dinner was nice..."

Natasha started playing with his fingers and nodded: „It was..."

Steve smiled and looked down at their hands: „Are we still on holiday?"

A small laugh escaped Nat's mouth: „Sure thing, we are."

Slowly Steve's hands separated from hers and wandered to her back where he crossed his fingers and closed the gap between their bodies: „And... are we also still on pre-honeymoon?"

Nat started chewing on her bottom lip as she looked up and into his eyes. Even in the shitty, dim hotel light he looked gorgeous. His hair was messy from the day and his skin a little bit more tanned than usual from the past weeks of exposure to the sun on missions. He trimmed his beard every now and then and it was quite short, but still visible at that time.

She stopped and raised her hands up to hold onto his shoulders: „...Yes."

Before noticing who exactly started this their lips met in a kiss - first soft and loving, then deeper and more longing.

Nat started running her hands through his hair now and every time they were about to part she tangled a hand into the short hair at the nape of his neck and pulled him closer again, not wanting for it to be over, not giving anyone of them the chance to change their minds.

One of Steve's hands made their way first down her spine, all the way to her butt. He squeezed lightly as he was holding her tightly. Their tongues danced, clashing and fighting over dominance in a row of kisses that melted into one.

Then Steve found the zipper of Nat's dress with his other hand and started pushing it down, undressing her.

They parted just for a moment and Nat eagerly pulled his shirt up and over his head. It fell to the ground along her dress.

Quickly Steve pulled her over to the bed undoing his own belt. Nat helped with the jeans and they kissed again. Steve pushed her back into the mattress softly and started spreading kisses along her jawline, his lips blazing a hot trail down her neck. Nat hummed softly as she let it happen.

She started pulling at his hair and finally their lips met again, hot and passionately. Nat pulled at his boxers while he was removing her bra. She started nipping at his neck as he removed the last of her clothing - her panties. He caressed her hair and back as she continued before turning to her breasts.

He painted circles around her left nipple with his hand before pulling at it, taking it between his knuckles. At first it was gentle, but then he tugged harder, making her erupt in goosebumps. She dug her nails into the skin of his upper back as he started teasing her inner thighs with his knee.

She pulled herself up a bit, closer to him again, bare skin meeting bare skin. Nat felt his growing erection against her lower belly and she grinned. In a low voice she said: „My turn now, soldier..."

She sat up and guided him down to where she had been on her back moments before. She ran her hands down his chest, one wrapping around his hard one, one caressing his legs. She started pumping faster as he couldn't stop but moan: „Na...Nat..."

She stopped right before pushing him over the edge and crawled up again to meet his lips in a long kiss. She whispered in between kisses: „You ready?"

He brushed down her sides and let his hands rest on her hips as she was on top of him: „Whenever you are..."

Their lips met a final time before placed herself over his waiting erection, letting him enter in one thrust. Both of them moaned out as Nat started moving, their hips soon synced in pace and their movement became as if they were one person.

Nat felt her walls become tighter as their pace fastened. She needed her release soon and she was sure so did Steve.

She drew her hips back a bit before shooting them forward with all the strength she could collect. And it felt like she blew up. A small scream escaped her mouth and at the same time she could hear her name from Steve again. He came inside her and that was what pushed her over the edge as well. She sank down.

For about a minute they just stayed like that. Steve started running his fingers through her hair as her head was resting on his chest. She enjoyed the small loving gesture as she mumbled: „Let's be on holiday forever..."


	7. Jack-O'-Lanterns

_Thanks for reviewing everyone! This is going to be on the short side - I don't have so much time on my hands today._

 **October 7th: Jack-O'-Lanterns**

 **(Post AoU)**

It was in mid-October when Natasha first saw one. On the living room table stood a neatly carved Jack-O'-Lantern. The pumpkin used was on the smaller side and more yellow than orange. The spy sat down on the couch and stared at the face. It was carved in layers, which gave it more dimension.

She passed the little guy off as one of her house-mates being in the mood for Halloween already and starting to decorate.

Two days later she met with another one of them. It was greeting her at the front door, leaning in the corner. It looked more as if someone had just put it down randomly and not in a decorative way. Natasha bowed down and carefully took off the top. There was no candle inside.

When she saw the third of the pumpkins that week next to Steve's door it put her off. That one was larger and brightly orange. The face wasn't that classy, kind of toothless expression, but a painful grimace.

Why would someone buy those one after another and put them in random places? Why didn't she notice when it happened? Sam and Wanda usually made a big deal out of decorating the place whenever something was coming up.

When they first lived at the Facility they had bought lots of balloons and fairy lights and paper lanterns. Putting all that stuff up and down had made a lot of noice, apparently required loud music and the both of them singing along. This definitely wasn't them. Sam was looking forward a lot to decorating for Halloween and Nat was sure he wouldn't do it in a silent and minimalistic way.

Rhodey wasn't really one for decor, he was okay with it being there, but he definitely wasn't the one spending money on any.

That left Steve. She wasn't doing it herself so it must have been him. Probably she would ask him if there was more to come.

That night Natasha woke up at about 1 AM. Her mouth was dry and she was sure she had had sort of a nightmare. Maybe punching some things would relieve the tautness caused by the images flashing in her mind.

She walked over to the bathroom to get a drink of water, put on sportswear and made her way to the gym.

The building was dark and silent at night. When she entered a new segment of the halls the lights turned on automatically. The gym was down on the ground- and basement-levels so she took the stairs.

To her surprise the lights were on in the back-area of the gym, where no workout divides were. Confused she tiptoed her way through the front and stopped at the door.

Steve was sitting on one of the mats with a pumpkin and a knife, a bucket sitting next to him. She didn't want to startle him so she started walking louder when she approached him and coughed. He immediately looked up and stopped when he saw her.

The fact that he wasn't greeting her made her a bit uncomfortable so she decided to break the silence: „Hey..."

Steve put the pumpkin in his lap: „Hey..."

Nat hesitated, but then sat on the mat next to the bucket: „What are you doing?"

Steve turned a bit to face her: „Carving... I guess."

Nat sighed: „I can see that. But why do you do it?"

Steve now picked up the pumpkin again and stared into its half finished face: „I don't know... first I thought it was nice... a little thing to do other than drawing. Then I made one when I couldn't sleep. Now this is the third one I do at night."

Nat looked down on her fingers and said in a low voice: „Nightmares."

It wasn't a question. She knew he had lots of them as well.

Steve started to work on the second eye of his Jack-O'-Lantern again: „It makes me forget about the blood and the pain... just for an hour or so, but still."

Nat shifted a bit: „That's nice..." Her urge for hitting things had disappeared into thin air. Instead she now wondered if her demons could be held at bay by something as simple as slicing vegetables open as well.

She soon felt like she was invading his space, so she got up and started walking away.

Steve continued with the carving as he spoke up: „You don't have to leave... if you want you can get a knife from the kitchen. I have a spare pumpkin."

Nat stopped, but didn't turn around. She thought about it for a moment. If she tried going back to sleep now, her nightmares would surely come back fairly soon. Why not give it a try?

She started walking again and said: „Right... I'll be back in a few minutes."


	8. A family

_Today is not a good day, so this is basically nothing. Sorry_

 **October 8th: A family**

 **(Post AoU)**

She had been sitting for hours. The paper cup in her hands was half empty and the tea had lost its heat quite some time ago. Central Park was beautiful during all of the four seasons, but Natasha liked fall best probably.

She liked the rustling of the dry leaves under her feat and the sunlight illuminating the red and yellow leaves still hanging on the branches of the trees. The ducks disturbing the otherwise flat surface of the lakes and the people starting to wear scarfs and jackets were fine with her. She liked wearing cozy clothing.

Even when it rained it didn't bother her. She liked the sound of raindrops on top of the umbrella and the world being duplicated inside the puddles on the ground.

On that day, however, Natasha liked none of it. The sun was shining brightly and it was rather warm for the season. Children were playing and their parents were sitting on the benches right next to the playground to watch over them.

Natasha was sitting on a bench too, but it was next to some trees. She could still see the playground from her location, but not up close. She had been here for a while now.

Originally she had just planned on going for a run in Central Park, but then she was drawn to that lonely bench.

A little girl was doing a cartwheel in the grass and her mother was cheering and applauding for her. Two boys around age ten were on the swings, their parents having a chat behind them. A father was watching his about three-years-old girl climbing up the latter to the slide and happily caught her at the bottom when she was ready.

Seeing other people with their children hadn't bothered Nat a lot ever before, but somehow today it made her think. She had never really thought about starting a family anyways because she had always been aware of the 'graduation ceremony' in the Red Room. She was a spy. She led a dangerous life and it was probably for the best that she didn't even have the possibility of pregnancy.

Once before when Clint had been injured badly on a mission she had watched Laura cry for hours in the hospital. Lila had only been a year old and on that day Natasha was glad that something like this would never happen to people she loved - she didn't have a family.

The little girl on the slide accidentally hit her knee on the side of the plastic-slice and started crying. Her dad immediately picked her up and comforted her. Natasha looked away. She would never experience how it was to love someone as much as these parents loved their children.

Maybe that was the reason why she backed out of most of her relationships. She would never be able to give her partner a family or a home or security of any kind. She was always chased by someone. Even if it weren't the KGB anymore or Hydra - she was an Avenger now and the Avengers, too made enemies.

That probably was the reason she had tried things out with Bruce. He knew what it was like because he was going through all of the same shit. But she had been wrong - although he knew her present, he would never be able to understand her past.

Suddenly Steve popped into her mind. They had been close ever since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. (And Hydra). They were both Avengers, now even more in the same position, being responsible for a team of people who should function together to protect the world. Steve knew the war, he had been there too. He knew people who had taken advantage of him when they were in charge.

Steve had never blamed her for things she had done before. He always told her to focus on who she was now. He was getting angry with her when she called herself a monster and she slowly started to believe him that she was in fact a changed person now.

Natasha sighed and finally rose from her bench again. She looked at her cup of tea for a moment before throwing the whole thing in the trash, not caring about the liquid.

She should go back. Maybe someone... Steve would notice she hadn't returned yet and get worried. That sense of someone waiting for her and caring made her smile again.


	9. The morning after

_Thank you! Y'all so nice people. Reading those comments made me feel better, honestly. Maybe there will be a sequel to yesterday, but first here is a follow up on Pre-Honeymoon_

 **October 9th: The morning after**

 **(Post Civil War, pre Infinity War)**

His eyes fluttered open and the first thing he saw was blonde hair. Natasha was facing the window. Her breathing was slow and even - she was still asleep. The covers were covering her up to her stomach where Steve's hand was still resting.

A million things flooded his mind as he was recalling the events of the night before. How had this happened? Would there be some kind of 'talk' when Nat would wake?

Had this been a mistake? ... How could it have been a mistake when it had been so wonderful?

How would it affect them in their partnership in battle? And would it make a difference?

Would it make a difference in general?

Was it a one-time thing or did it mean anything to Natasha?

Carefully Steve removed his hand. He froze when Nat shifted, but then she fell quiet again. As noiseless as possible he got out of bed and picked up his boxer shorts from the floor. He put them on on his way to the door.

The 'Do not disturb'-sign was hanging next to the door. He took it down from the hook and looked at it for a moment. They would probably need some time. Steve unlocked the door and hanged it outside. Right away he closed the door again with a clicking sound and locked it.

Now he heard muffled sounds coming from the bed and walked back over. Natasha turned to lie on her back and opened her eyes. She stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, probably thinking all the same things he had thought minutes before. Then she took a deep breath and turned towards the door.

Steve was a little uncomfortable, but kept standing between the door and the bed: „Good morning..."

She sat up and stretched a bit. Her voice was calm and a bit husky: „Morning."

Steve was thinking about what to say when Nat got there first: „Can you... hand me my clothes? I guess, we need to talk."

Nodding Steve collected all the stuff and put hers on the bed next to her. He then walked over to one of the chairs and threw his jeans over it. He put his t-shirt on before sitting down on the bed next to her when Nat finished putting her underwear back on.

She considered the dress for a moment but left it sitting on the bed and wrapped the covers around her instead. She looked at Steve, but she didn't say anything.

Steve returned her look and tugged at his nails. He coughed lightly before speaking up: „So... what kind of a thing do we have?"

Natasha chewed on her bottom lip before responding: „ I don't know. What is it for you?"

Steve quietly said: „A part of me wishes we wouldn't have done this... so everything could be normal, but most parts of me are glad because I have been wanting this for a long time now."

Natasha opened her mouth slightly and looked down on her hands: „We are partners... why... why would this be wrong?"

Steve was putting down his hands in his lap so he would leave them alone: „It isn't... but it only is right if this wasn't some kind of a one-night-stand. I would really like to stay on pre-honeymoon for a lot longer."

Natasha smiled a little: „Do you really? You know that our situation is complicated enough as it is."

Steve watched her and nodded: „Yeah. Why wouldn't we deserve this? Why should we be bitter and lonely?"

Natasha chuckled a bit: „Bitter, huh? You are really getting old, Rogers."

He was relieved she lightened up this talk: „Didn't you tell me that enough already? In my opinion I look pretty good for my age."

Rolling her eyes at him Natasha said: „Sure... I never complained about that. There are other things you are good at too, by the way."

Steve smirked: „You too..."

Natasha couldn't help but grin: „Did you practice?"

Steve started laughing at their inside-joke: „Maybe..."

Natasha took his hand in hers: „Who would have thought that. America's golden boy is actually a player."

Pulling her closer Steve said: „I wouldn't call it that... it's not important now."

Natasha leaned in to give him a peck: „Right..."

He returned the kiss and tugged a strain of hair behind her ear: „You are beautiful, you know?"

She started grinning again: „Tzz... quite the charmer."

Steve rolled his eyes: „People actually say thank you when someone compliments them... Hey, do you want to grab some breakfast?"

Natasha stretched again and let go of him to stand up: „Sure... that sounds nice."


	10. No way

_If you are a potterhead like me and don't agree with the sorting let me know your opinion in the reviews (in a nice way if possible). You can also share your house, I'm a Slytherin ;)_

 **October 10th: No way**

 **(Shortly after AoU, referring to events before AoU)**

It was a rather quiet night at the New Avengers Facility. Most of its residents had gone out or were visiting friends in the city. Natasha and Steve were the only ones staying in.

They had met up in the common area to watch a movie together. Steve let Natasha decide while he was preparing some snacks in the kitchen. When he came back and placed the crisps and bagels on the table next to the soda bottles Nat had already started the movie.

He immediately recognized the type of film by the music: „Which part are we watching?"

Nat grinned and took one of the bagels: „My favorite of course."

Steve smiled: „I know that, the Half Blood Prince."

Nat took a bite and just nodded.

Steve helped himself with some of the crisps and took them with him as he leaned back on the couch next to her.

For a while they were just watching the movie, although they had seen it many times before. Nat suddenly spoke up: „Remember when you finished reading the books?"

Steve smiled but didn't look away from the screen while talking: „And Tony made us do the sorting test? How could I forget."

Nat chuckled lightly and stretched: „I still remember Tony's face vividly. That was the best thing ever."

Steve joined in and now looked at her briefly: „I've never seen him so shocked before..."

The two team-mates were talking about the time they all first moved into Avengers Tower after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. Steve had already read two of the Harry Potter books by the time, but Tony was throwing around spoilers a lot so he decided to put those on the top of his bucket list.

Within two more weeks he had finished the series and Tony instantly announced they had to do a group picture of them with their respective scarves on. Then they would have a movie marathon.

Tony, of course, had done the test on pottermore as soon as it had come out. He was in disbelieve when the others told him they hadn't tried it out yet. The only one other than Tony to already know their house was Natasha.

She initially didn't want to take part in this since it was popular to find out your sorting at the time but eventually curiosity had gotten the better of her.

As proof to the others Tony opened his account to show them he was telling the truth and the screen got dunked in red immediately. Tony was a really proud Gryffindor and Bruce had a hard time not laughing at him for being so adamant about things that weren't even real.

He picked up one of the scarfs to match his house and put it on. He had bought enough of every kind (just in case), but he thought he had a pretty good idea where to put the others.

Tony looked at Nat afterwards. She was being secretive about her sorting: „Well then, Natasha... I'm dying to know!"

She rolled his eyes at him and sat down in front of the monitor: „How old are you again, Stark?"

Tony didn't comment on that, but when Natasha opened her account he couldn't hold back: „Hah! Of course, you are a Slytherin!" Her screen was colored in elegant emerald and silver.

Natasha grinned and rose from the chair again, she passed Tony who was still excited and helped herself with her respective scarf: „Calm down. It's just fiction..."

Gesturing towards Bruce who was standing closest to him the scientist sat down. He wasn't really into the series that much, but nevertheless enjoyed the concept of it. Tony helped him set up the account quickly, but before he could click on the sorting test Tony yelled: „Wait!"

The others almost jumped and he continued in a lower tone of voice: „Let's all first guess. I'm saying he is for sure a Ravenclaw."

The others nodded in agreement. Clint was leaning against a pillar near the screen: „I guess there is no discussion needed here."

To nobody's surprise Bruce was greeted by a dark-blue screen at the results page. He looked over his shoulder to see his friends nodding in agreement before standing up and grabbing a scarf: „Interesting... it isn't really predictable with those questions."

After that they all guessed Thor's. It had been difficult to explain some of earth's things to Thor, but Harry Potter wasn't one of those. The God first was hesitant to read a made up story about a wizard, but when he had started he read all the books in one week and finished before Steve. Most of them were sure he was in Gryffindor (himself included) while Clint and Steve thought of him more as a Hufflepuff (because he was a nice and loyal guy). When he got sorted into Gryffindor a booming „YES" could be heard from the chair and Tony was cheering. Proudly he handed over a scarf that matched his own to the God of Thunder.

Then they were debating who should go next and decided on Clint, so Steve would be last one. The archer took Thor's place and Tony set up the account. While he was doing that the others placed their friend in every house except Ravenclaw. Clint was ignoring the debate going on in the background and went through with the questions.

The screen split in half and the results offered Clint a place both in Hufflepuff and Slytherin. Everyone stopped their arguments and looked at him. Tony was the one to address it: „Looks like you're a hatstall, Legolas. What are you gonna do?"

Clint smiled and clicked on Hufflepuff right away: „Easy thing for me."

Natasha couldn't help but celebrate her triumph: „Yes! I told you so! Bruce and I were right!"

Tony rolled his eyes: „I wasn't wrong... he just didn't pick my guess."

Clint got up and took one of the yellow and black scarves. Now Steve was the one sitting down. They set up the account quickly.

Tony crossed his arms in front of his chest and sighed: „I hate to admit it, but 100 % capsicle will join Thor and me."

The others nodded. Clint shrugged: „Yeah. I agree. Cap for sure is a Gryffindor."

Natasha looked over to Clint: „I'm not so sure..."

Tony now turned from Steve to Nat: „What do you mean, Red?"

She smiled: „I worked with this dude for two years now... and he for sure is not a Gryffindor."

Tony looked confused: „What else?"

She grinned: „I am pretty sure he's gonna join me."

Raising an eyebrow Tony shook his head: „Never ever will that guy be a Slytherin. He's not evil."

That made Natasha laugh: „It doesn't mean, you're evil, Stark. It means you are ambitious and shrewd. That you are not afraid of a challenge, but know when to change plans... not something a Gryffindor would do. Also, Slytherins have proven to be great leaders. Those are all things Steve is."

Tony just stared at her when Clint responded: „Sure Nat... but it just doesn't sit right with me. I'm still saying he's a Gryffindor."

Bruce considered his options for a moment, then spoke up: „You were right every time before, Natasha, but here I am with Clint."

Thor grinned: „Aye! He's joining us."

Tony nodded: „You'll see, that you're wrong." He took one of the Gryffindor scarves out of the box ready to hand it to Steve, who started the quiz.

Nobody was talking anymore. They were all staring at the screen in anticipation. When the results came up Tony dropped the scarf in disbelieve: „No way... That just didn't happen... no no no."

Steve grinned and walked over to the box innocently. He took one of the Slytherin scarves out and gave Nat, who was holding her hand up, a high-five.

He looked at the others who were all still coping with this information: „So... are we watching the movies now or what?"


	11. 3 AM coffee

_This is a wide spread tumblr-prompt and I have no idea where it originated, so I can't credit for the idea. I saw it on marvelousdorito: Our flats are opposite each other and your kitchen window faces my kitchen window so we always see each other making coffee at 3am._

 _Chapter from Natasha's POV_

 **October 11th: 3 AM coffee**

 **(Pre The Avengers, most likely AU)**

It was not the easiest time for Natasha. She had just finished a huge undercover mission that had taken months. In the end they could make some arrests in the case and S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to obtain data from a smuggler-ring. On the worse side of events, some of the big fish had managed to wriggle out of the net and Nat's cover blew up.

Now Fury was giving her house-arrest (kind of). She could still do basic things in New York, like shopping, going for a walk or to the gym, but she should not draw too much attention to her. That also meant no new missions for the next months, not even abroad.

S.H.I.E.L.D. liked their agents where they could watch them closely, in the apartments they had, spread all over the city. Nat was put in one of those in Queens, on the fifth floor. She lived exactly at one of those breaks between the buildings where a small road beneath separated the chain of houses. She could look into the rooms on the opposite side of the road.

One floor beneath her on the other side lived an elderly lady. She was in most of the time. Nat could see her living room through the windows. Sitting close to the door in a huge and cushioned chair she was doing needlework for hours or reading.

Sometimes Natasha just liked watching her and imagining what such a life must be like. In the sixth floor of the building on the other side of the street lived a young woman with her kid. Natasha barely saw her. She left early in the morning and came back in the evening where Natasha saw her on the phone while she took care of the child who must be about 4.

Nat speculated that the little girl spent lots of time in daycare-facilities while her mother was working.

In this apartment Nat could see an eat-in kitchen.

On the floor directly opposite of Nat, the fifth floor of the other building, a man was living. Nat could see only his kitchen so she didn't see him so often. When she first noticed that he wasn't there a lot she first wondered if her 'neighbors' noticed her watching them. If they thought she was weird since she was sitting in the kitchen a lot just staring out of her window.

Although she rarely saw the man she could picture him before her easily. He was on the tall side and built well. He was dressing in a kind of old-fashioned way - he wore button-down shirts a lot and paired them with beige or brown trousers.

His hair was short and dark-blond. He was shaven clean, letting her see the shape of his chin. His eyes were piercing blue, that's what stood out to her even across the road.

He was handsome, that couldn't be denied by any means.

She really wasn't sure how old he was. Probably her age or a bit younger.

At least three times a week Nat saw the good-looking stranger - most of the time in the middle of the night.

Sometimes she really couldn't sleep, to a point where it wasn't worth trying anymore. Some of those nights her nightmares, flashing images of pain and murder and the Red Room kept her from resting. She was terrified to fall asleep after a nightmare - what if it got worse after that.

On other nights she just couldn't bring herself to fall asleep. She was tossing and turning, opening the window, closing it again, changing her clothes, drinking water. Nothing helped.

No matter which of those cases was her reality it happened several times a week. At about 3 am she always gave up and decided she might as well start the day super early. She got up and walked into the kitchen, putting spoons full of drip grind in the filter of her coffee-machine. She watched the coffee collect in the pot and helped herself with a mugfull.

The lights on the other side of the streets were on most of the time when she entered the kitchen. The man sometimes was already sitting by the table facing the window, a mug in front of him. Sometimes he made coffee at the same time as her in the same fashion.

They had never talked in the streets or something but the both of them drinking coffee in the middle of the night was a thing that bound them in a strange way.

Nat sat down by her kitchen table and looked out of the window. It was evening and the young mother was home, but Nat didn't pay her a lot of attention. Her thoughts were lingering with her other neighbor who never showed himself during daytime.

What did he do for a living? Who was this guy? She once stopped to look at his name plate in front of the door, but he hadn't put his name, only his flat-number.

As she was sitting and staring at the dark room she recalled his eyes looking back at her. When they were looking at each other they were sharing an intimate moment, feeling each other's pain and staying awake involuntarily. One could say they were being alone together.


	12. Empty

**October 12th: Empty**

 **(Shortly after Civil War)**

Her heels were clicking on the floor. The halls of Avengers Facility were empty and there was no other sound. All of the rooms were left behind by their residents and the kitchen seemed almost sterile compared to the usual mess left behind by tired Avengers who 'will for sure clean this later'.

Natasha almost didn't dare breath, since she could hear it way too loud over the silence. All the cushions were in line on the couch and no glasses and half eaten bags of snacks were sitting on the table.

Pressing her lips together Natasha walked outside. Maybe the birds and distant cars could ease her mind. They didn't.

Was it really the right thing to join Tony in the first place?

How did she not stop this thing from escalating that far?

Where were the others since their breakout? Were they okay?

She sighed. The trees seemed to be staring at her and she wrapped her arms around her body. She didn't like any of this situation.

Natasha didn't have an apartment in New York anymore. The nearest one she owned was in DC and she didn't think it to be the best idea to leave the city so early.

This building had been her home for the past two years. It had been the place where she trained and where she was around her friends.

Natasha took a deep breath before entering the building again. She needed to distract herself, make her forget she was the only one left.

Without really having a plan what she was aiming for she walked up the stairs to the first floor.

She looked at the first door next to the stairs. Soon Vision would move back in there, but currently he was staying at Stark Tower to possibly contact the team-members on the run.

Natasha walked further down the hall. Across from Vision's room was Wanda's. Wanda... she was so young. Natasha swallowed hard when the image of her friend squeezed into a straitjacket behind bars. Hopefully she was doing okay, was adjusting to the lifestyle forced on her quickly.

The next door she passed was Rhodey's. Her heart sank when the image of his fall returned. He was getting better really fast and she was relieved. Maybe he could come back here soon. Maybe they could find a way he could walk, Stark sure could invent something.

Her steps were getting heavier and she reached Sam's room. His absence was probably the biggest reason the building was so tidy and untouched and Natasha didn't like that. She needed the random glasses of water in every room, the weird post-it-notes he put everywhere so he would remember to do things, the smell of slightly burnt toast in the morning 'because that is the only way to eat toast'.

When Nat reached her own door she stopped. She put her hand up to open it, but stopped and turned around. Steve's room was only a few steps further down the hall opposite of hers. She stared at the door intently. The fact that the US-government was looking at her friend for years as a criminal, as a dangerous individual was unbearable. The man was Captain America, not some terrorist.

How could they put people in boxes of good and bad with such ease? How could they talk about some of the Avengers (... former Avengers, more likely) in a way so horrible? Why was Tony allowing that? Weren't they his friends as well?

They were targeting Steve who had acted for the best, who had wanted nothing more than do the right thing. Steve who had done so much to protect the people, who would give his own life just so one other person could be saved.

Natasha looked down. What was she gonna do with all of them gone? What was she gonna do instead of teasing Sam about his habits and his thing for Maria? Who would be there to have a chat in Russian while drinking Sbiten when Wanda wasn't coming back? Who would be in the gym challenging her when Rhodey was in the hospital?

Was she ever going to learn new random things when Vision wasn't spontaneously spitting them out while having dinner?

Most importantly of all, who would be there joke around about things that had happened years ago, who would show her how to cook properly when she messed up completely? Who would go explore the area when they had nothing to do in the afternoon? Who would do the shopping with her? Who would stay up with her at night when she was too scared to go back to sleep? Who would do all those things when Steve wasn't there anymore?

She ran a hand through her hair and quickly entered her room. She couldn't stand there any longer. The doors were not enough to hide the empty rooms and the walls growing eyes staring back at her, judging her. This place wasn't the same as it had been a few days earlier. It was scary now, it wasn't home.

Natasha sat down on her bed. How would she be able to stay here?


	13. Kiss cam

_This is really short, enjoy it anyways! :)_

 **October 13th: Kiss cam**

 **(Post AoU)**

It was halftime in the early evening at the football-stadium.

The game was about to start again and people were coming back from the toilet, some had bought snacks. It was a sunny day and Nat had spontaneously suggested to go watch a game together since she hadn't been to one in weeks. Steve usually didn't go to games a lot because he didn't like how much of a show they put on there. However, he hadn't come up with a different idea so the two of them were on their ways.

Steve stayed where they sat since he didn't need to buy anything. Natasha had been away for about ten minutes, but the lines in front of the toilets were long during the break. She finally came back and quickly sat down next to him again: „Ugh... I hate going to public restrooms."

He smiled at her: „Well... that can't be helped I'm afraid."

She shrugged and leaned back: „How are you liking it so far?"

Steve looked from Nat to the field: „It's better than I expected it."

Nat grinned: „See... I told you so. We could go more often."

Steve chuckled: „Sure, but I like watching you cheer and cuss at the referee more than the actual game."

Nat laughed at his comment: „Hey... this is important to me. That guy clearly is blind!"

Steve shook his head: „Yeah, believe it or not. He is actually trained to do this job."

Nat adjusted her shirt, which kept falling off one shoulder: „Many people are trained in something, but clearly can't do it."

Steve was about to answer her when the game announcer's voice filled the air again: „Aaalright! Are you ready for the second half?"

The crowd applauded briefly and some people cheered.

The announcer continued: „Yeah, yeah! Me too! What an amazing game we have going on today! But first, it is of course time for the kiss cam!"

The searching eye of the camera, screening the rows for couples appeared on the Jumbotrons. It suddenly stopped and a white heart appeared around two people, who were in their fifties. The woman started laughing and pointed up (probably at the screen closest to them) to show her husband.

The man quickly looked up as well and then looked at his wife smiling. She pulled off the hood he was wearing. Then he rose from his seat and gave her a hand so she could stand as well. The camera followed them and the audience erupted into cheer when he pulled her closer and they kissed passionately.

When the pair sat down again, the camera-perspective changed and it was looking for another couple. It soon stopped again and Steve stared at the Jumbotron near them in disbelieve. The cameraman had mistaken Nat and him as a couple.

He realized they needed to do something, even if it was declining the kiss when he saw Nat lean over to him on screen. She whispered in his ear: „Okay, come on." He could see her grin teasingly: „We've done this before and maybe you have gotten better now."

That made Steve grin as well and he nodded. He now looked away from the big screen and said: „I guess, only you can judge that."

Nat placed her purse beside her and pulled him up with her when she rose. The audience urged them on continuing by chanting. All around them people were joining in in the rhythmic 'Kiss! Kiss!'.

Steve pulled her closer by wrapping his arm around her waist: „You ready?"

Nat rolled her eyes: „So dramatic..." She held onto his shoulder and kissed him, slightly parting her lips when she felt him respond.

It was brief but still emotional. Everything building up between them in the past months had gone into that one kiss.

They were only now realizing the audience was cheering and they quickly sat down again. When the camera moved away. Steve quietly said: „And? What did you think?"

Nat smirked: „Well... It sure was better. But maybe I can... help you practice."

Steve smiled: „Yeah, that would be great."

When the game started again their phones were vibrating constantly. Natasha got annoyed and looked what was going on after a few minutes. She started grinning and showed Steve all of the screenshots of their kiss Tony was sending in their group-chat. He was also showering them with a million questions. She just muted her phone and put it back into her purse: „Interesting how fast things are spreading."


	14. First date

**October 14th: First date**

 **(Post CA:TWS, pre AoU, AU)**

He watched the taxis drive by. As usual those were the majority on the busy streets of New York City. He checked his phone again - No new messages, no missed calls. The time showed 8:17.

With a sigh Steve put the phone back into his pocket and leaned against the wall again. He was glad, now that he had been waiting for about 45 minutes, that he hadn't already entered the Italian Restaurant when he first arrived on time.

He was tapping his foot nervously on the pavement. Most likely she had just backed out or forgotten. Why would she come anyway? The had just loosely agreed on having dinner together. He wasn't even sure if this was supposed to be a date or if it was just being nice.

But there was this other little thought in the back of his mind. What if something had happened? What if she was in danger and he was just standing here and waiting?

Steve ran a hand through his hair and was about to leave the place and go home. The sound of his phone ringing made him stop instantly, however, and he fished it out of his pocket quickly again. It wasn't what he had hoped for, it wasn't Natasha calling. He didn't know the number, but it was not anonymous.

Maybe her phone ran out of battery? Steve cleared his voice before answering the phone: „Yes?"

Natasha's voice was a bit quieter than usual: „Steve? Is that you?"

Steve was relieved that it was her: „Yeah... where are you at?"

Nat hesitated: „Don't freak out... I'm in hospital. I'm using their phone."

Steve almost dropped the phone: „Hospital? Are you okay?"

She answered immediately: „Yeah... just some signs of soft whiplash and probably a broken bone in my foot. They are on it."

He made sure he was stepping aside to not be in the way of passers by as he was speaking: „What happened?"

In the background of Natasha's location he could hear some voices, but they were unclear. He could still understand what she was saying: „There has been a car accident, two taxis involved. I'm the unlucky to have boarded one of those."

Steve thought about it for a moment: „Which hospital are you at? I'm coming over."

He could hear Nat laugh a little on the other end of the line: „You don't have to... they'll let me go later tonight anyway, I guess."

Steve smiled: „I was about to spend the evening with you anyway."

Nat knew there was no changing his mind and she gave him the address. Steve ensured her he would be there really soon since it was close by and they hung up. Steve was about to head directly to the hospital when he realized Nat most likely hadn't eaten anything and was sitting there without even a cup of coffee.

He knew she wouldn't be too happy and he was sure the doctors wouldn't let her buy snacks while she was checked for injuries. That is why he walked back the few steps he had taken and entered the Italian place.

A nice host approached him and asked if he needed a table. He declined politely and asked if it was possible to get take-out. The woman smiled and nodded while handing him a menue.

He looked through it briefly and ordered lasagna, some other noodle dish and one salat to share. He made sure the staff would put plastic forks, knives and spoons in the bag as well. He payed for the food immediately and about 15 minutes later he received the bag. He thanked the host and made his way toward the hospital Natasha was staying at.

At about 9 pm he arrived and asked for her at the reception. The staff phoned the station first to confirm he knew her and then showed him the way.

Steve finally opened the door to one of the room where people were examined and found Nat sitting on the divan. She lit up a bit when she saw it was him: „Hey..."

Steve smiled back at her: „Hi... How are you doing?"

She shrugged softly: „They found out my ankle is just sprained but are still doing more scans. What's in that bag?"

He sat down next to Nat on the bench and started unpacking the food: „Pick one."

An excited shriek escaped Nat's mouth and she grinned: „Oh my God! The heavens have sent you!"

Steve chuckled: „Nah... I just thought you must be starving in here."

He handed her a set of plastic flatware and kept one for himself. Natasha took it and tried to decide on what she wanted to eat.

Nat sighed and just grabbed the lasagna: „It smells way too good. I can't wait any longer."

She started eating immediately and tried to ignore how hot the food still was.

Steve grinned and sat the salat between them.

After they sat in silence a few moments Nat put her fork down and grinned: „Well... this isn't the worst date I've ever been on. Even tough the ambiente is horrible, the food is damn good and the company isn't bad either."

Steve smiled: „So... this really is a date?"

Natasha stuffed another bite of the lasagna into her mouth: „Yes... I suppose so."

Steve grinned: „Then it's not a bad start. But maybe we can do better when they let you out."

Natasha smiled: „I think that would be a great idea. We could check out that Indian place down the street from the harbor. It is supposed to be good."

Steve nodded before finishing his noodles: „Yeah, that would be interesting."


	15. Icarus

_Thanks a lot to those who keep reviewing! :) We are already halfway through the month, I can't believe it! This is Natasha's POV again, forgive me. I do it so much xD_

 **October 15th: Icarus**

 **(Post Civil War, pre Infinity War)**

 _I loved you as_

 _Icarus loved_

 _The sun -_

 _Too close,_

 _Too much._

 _(David Jones)_

„ _Kill me! Do it already!", Natasha's eyes were cold and she wasn't showing any emotion. That wasn't a thing she was supposed to do ever._

 _The tip of an arrow was only inches away from her face. The man holding the bow ready to strike stayed silent and just looked at her._

 _She was nervous and swallowed hard: „Isn't that why you are here?" She was getting better at hiding her Russian accent. The training had helped, it seemed._

 _Silence, no response. Now she was shaking a bit although she tried her hardest not to._

 _The man slowly lowered his weapon, but still held the arrow tight, so he could attack anytime he needed to: „How old are you exactly?"_

 _Natasha was told not to give answers so she bit down on her bottom lip. He sighed and put the bow away: „Like... 19?"_

 _She debated reaching for her knife, which was on the ground but knew he would make sure she couldn't. So instead she just answered in a low voice: „20"_

 _He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair: „Okay, listen. I don't want to kill you. You're skilled. We can use that."_

 _Natasha looked at him confused. What was he talking about? That clearly must have been a trick._

 _He stretched a hand out towards her, since she was on the floor: „Are you saying yes?"_

 _She nodded hesitantly before he helped her up. She heard him talk into some kind of walk-in-talkie: „Barton. I need a ride out of St. Petersburg for two people... yeah, two... there is no changing that anymore."_

Natasha's eyes fluttered open. She wasn't in a cold sweat, but the memory shook her awake. She turned and sighed. The moonlight was shining through the curtains a bit. She was alone.

The dream had been a reoccurring one lately. It was her first meeting with Clint and probably should have been her last. But it wasn't.

So many times she had wished he had just killed her that day and put her out of her misery. She so badly wanted to forget all the red in her ledger, all the people she had killed, all the disappointments and the pain, but she never could. It was haunting her ever since and it never went away.

All of that had changed after they had saved New York, after their odd group, The Avengers were formed. The nightmares weren't as frequent anymore or as long. They were getting replaced with newer, nicer memories.

For a long time she had only considered Clint as a real friend. She didn't trust most of the people in S.H.I.E.L.D. and wasn't exactly one to go out and meet new people. But that suddenly changed when she started living with those jerks called the Avengers. For a while she didn't let them get too close, but ever since the events in DC went down she started to trust them. First Steve, then Tony and after some time Bruce.

But suddenly all of that changed. When she finally trusted Bruce he was erased out of her life just like that.

After that she had focused on making the new team function, but there was always something else. - Steve

She had missed him quite a lot after DC. It had not been a good time for her. She was all alone, making sure new covers were working. Every day she had been wondering where he was and if there was any success in finding Bucky.

But after some months she had settled with not seeing him anymore. When they finally met up again to reassemble the Avengers it was kind of awkward. They hadn't spoken in a long time and started calling each other by their last names.

Then there was this phase she kind of tried things out with Bruce, but of course that came to an end soon. It hadn't been the best idea from the start anyway.

Then they started living in the same building again - Steve and her - they started training together. They talked again. And it almost felt like it had been before. They had gotten closer again. Maybe a little too close.

Life hadn't been so good to Natasha when it came to love and she didn't like challenging it. She acted like she didn't care about that particular feeling, told herself that love was for children, but in reality she didn't think she could survive another failure.

Like Icarus, who was desperately in love with the sun, she had to admit she did love Steve. But like the sun, Steve was full of light and he was everything she wasn't. If she came too close, loved him too much she might burn and fall to her death.

Now none of that mattered anyway. She was here at the Facility and Steve was... where ever. Vision probably knew by now since he had been in contact with Wanda, but he wouldn't tell. He wouldn't even tell Tony.

But that was better anyway. She shouldn't be wanting him. She knew it was dangerous to fly into the sun, but she couldn't help but want it so bad. And it didn't matter to her if she would burn, because then they would burn together.


	16. A little nudge

**October 16th: A little nudge**

 **(Post AoU)**

Tired faces were sitting at the kitchen table on that Thursday morning. It was one of the days where they would scedule all of their training before noon so the afternoon was free for paperwork and stuff like that, that had to be done before the weekend.

They were all still tired. Only Vision and Wanda who were early birds were chatting. Usually Steve and Natasha tried to start conversation as well but on that particular day they were just eating their cereal in silence.

Saturday was their day off and tomorrow they would finish around two in the afternoon.

Wanda sipped on her tea before addressing Vision again: „So Vis... do you already have plans for tomorrow night?"

The humanoid nodded: „Actually yes... I have a meeting with Tony." He technically didn't really need to eat, but liked to sit with the others in the morning anyway.

Wanda put down her cup again: „What for?"

Vision smiled: „I suppose to improve his suit with vibranium particals. He doesn't really want to ask Dr. Cho in regards of her technology so he likes me to help with the fusion of different materials."

Wanda grinned: „Sounds complicated and honestly not too interesting."

Vision shrugged: „I really enjoy it."

Rhodey now started talking as well: „Doesn't sound too bad to me. I prefer going out with some colleagues from the military, however."

Wanda now turned to Rhodes: „That sounds much better. It will be fun for sure."

Suddenly Sam's head shot up and he sat upright: „Cool... Wanda, are you still free tomorrow night?"

He shot her a telling look. Not too obvious but still some kind of a sign between the two of them.

The young woman briefly looked over to the other side of the table where the leaders of their team were still sitting in silence. Then she looked back over to Sam and smiled: „Yes, absolutely."

He started smiling too: „Great!" He then looked over to Steve and Nat and spoke a little louder: „What about you?"

Steve took a few moments to realize he was being talked to, but then responded quickly: „Nothing planned, I guess."

Nat shrugged: „Me neither."

Sam tried acting casually: „It would be great to go and have dinner somewhere, dress nicely. We should go out every now and then, you know?"

Wanda nodded and looked back to Steve and Nat: „I would like that. All four of us should go."

Steve looked at Nat briefly, searching for approval or disapproval in her eyes: „It's not a bad idea. It could be nice."

Natasha hesitated before nodding: „You are right." She turned to the others: „Good idea. I'm in."

Sam continued smiling and tried to hide the triumph in his voice: „Great! Let's say about 7?"

They all nodded and decided on a restaurant. Sam said he would make the reservation under Steve's name so they could all meet up there because he had plans in the afternoon before they would meet.

Training passed quickly that day and in the afternoon Sam and Wanda finished some protocols together.

Sam made sure his tone was so low that the others in their rooms and the office couldn't hear it: „Finally... it'll be perfect."

Wanda chuckled: „I would love to see their faces when they find out, but let's just hope this thing works."

Sam rolled his eyes: „Seriously. I don't know what else to do. Watching them dance around each other every day is so painful."

Wanda nodded: „They just need a little nudge... or a big one."

Sam grinned: „Probably a big one. They can't even acknowledge that they are desperate for each other."

When Steve entered the room they immediately returned to the papers in front of them. And handed some over to him. He thanked them briefly and walked back to the office.

Wanda waited until she couldn't hear him walking and put down her pen: „It has to work. It will be good."

Friday night rolled around soon and it was 5 minutes to 7 when Steve and Nat arrived at the restaurant Sam had booked. Steve quickly checked the clock and said while they walked towards the door: „Maybe Sam and Wanda are already here."

Natasha nodded: „We'll see."

Steve straightened his tie and held the door open for Nat who was wearing a simple black dress, in which she of course looked stunning anyway. The man at the reception smiled when he saw them: „Can I help you?"

Steve cleared his voice and nodded: „Yes, we have a reservation at 7. Steve Rogers."

The young man looked it up: „Ah yes. Of course sir. A table for two, right?"

Steve shot Nat a confused look: „No... there should be four."

The man now had a puzzled look too: „Did you call yourself, sir?"

Steve shook his head: „No, a friend of mine called."

The man scrolled down to see the whole reservation. He looked up again: „I see... it is an online-booking. Your friend put the following in the notes-section: Have fun on your date you two. If you return too early Wanda and I won't let you in."

Steve sighed and nodded: „Thank you very much... then we'll take the table for two."

The man tried to stop himself from grinning and nodded. He led them over to a table by the window and handed them both the menue before walking away.

Natasha looked at Steve: „Sam is clearly a bad influence on Wanda."

Steve chuckled: „Yeah, he is. I was afraid he would pull something like that soon."

Nat turned the page on the menue and suddenly started grinning: „You have to put the data of your credit card when you place a booking on this restaurant, right? So they can charge you a small fee if you don't show up."

Steve nodded: „Usually that is the deal with fancy restaurants."

She leaned back: „Well... then we might as well enjoy this. Sam is paying for our food tonight."

Steve was grinning now too: „I'd say that calls for Champagne."


	17. Running Scared

_I have been sitting around here for two hours staring at my page only reading 'October 17th'. Now I'm trying to go with this title now after the 2011 ESC-winner-song (Azerbaijan) popped up in my autoplay. Sorry this is only about 700 words._

 **October 17th: Running Scared**

 **(End of Infinity War)**

First it was all a blur. She was pinned to the ground, getting trapped more and more with the seconds passing. Something was pressing against her abdomen and she couldn't see anyone. She didn't know what was going on. Now the cage made of stone suddenly disappeared.

An eerie silence filled the air. The noises had disappeared. Slowly Natasha got up. Where was everyone? Where had Thanos gone and what had happened? What if...? Oh no! She started walking around in the forest of Wakanda.

Natasha swallowed hard before speaking up: „Hello?"

A thought popped into her head. Thanos had wanted to erase half of the universe, that meant half of the people on earth as well. Where were all her friends? That couldn't be happening...

And then all of those thoughts vanished, all but one. Steve.

She couldn't see Steve anywhere.

Before she knew it she stumbled over branches and stones. She ran. As fast as she could she made her way towards the last place Vision had been. The location of the last stone, where something must have gone down.

She started panting and she got a stitch, but she couldn't stop. What if she was the only one left? What if they were all gone?

But maybe that's not what she was afraid of. Maybe she was more afraid they were still there and when she arrived Steve wouldn't be there. Maybe she couldn't deal with the thought of them looking to her for advise, maybe she couldn't acknowledge the idea he would leave her all alone to deal with this mess.

Finally she got to the spot. The first of her feelings when she came to a stop was relieve. He was sitting on the ground, his hair was dirty and his suit ripped at some parts, but he was there. He was alive.

Then Natasha's eyes wandered from Steve to what was in front of him. Grey, drenched of his usually vibrant colors. Vision was still. Natasha looked closer and saw a gashing hole where the stone used to be on his forehead.

This used to be her friend... her colleague. He was dead, gone. The source of his life stolen away. And... his protector stolen away. Wanda was nowhere in sight, not even a trace of her.

In horror she watched Steve turn. He took in the scene before him. Broken trees and trampled ground left behind by the battle. Broken people and trampled hopes remaining.

He usually was the one to come up with a plan, but his features showed no sign of an idea. Finally he spoke - quietly, scared: „Oh God..."

Natasha swallowed the lump in her throat. The sting was slowly letting go, but the urge to run had come back. This time it was an urge to run away.

This couldn't be real. This was not what was supposed to happen.

It had probably been the craziest day in her whole entire life. An even larger number of aliens than back in New York had attacked and there were these kind of smarter ones among them. She was being told there was an alien-boss who wanted to kill half of the people with the help of magical stones he was collecting in a gauntlet. Out of nowhere Thor had appeared with a talking tree and a raccoon that was dressed in a combat suit and knew how to swear and shoot guns.

And now that it was over they hadn't saved the day. They had let everybody down, everything was horrible and there was no way to fix it.

Their eyes finally met. They were alive. Steve slowly pulled himself up and walked over to her. He stared at her for a long moment as if trying to find out if she was real.

Then he hugged her. His strong arms wrapping around her, a shaky breath and voiceless sobs. Natasha pulled him close and a tear made its way down her own cheek as well.

After minutes Steve carefully loosened the embrace and looked at her. Carefully he caressed her cheek with one of his hands never looking away from her face: „I thought you were gone too."


	18. Cheating

_Let's not pretend this doesn't happen to the best people. If you are sensitive about topics of cheating and adultery - maybe don't read it._

 **October 18th: Cheating**

 **(AU)**

The room was dark since it was the middle of the night. Natasha was facing the ceiling, the covers pulled up over her breasts. She sighed as she thought about the events of the past weeks.

This was the worst possible moment for this to happen. Two years ago it would have been good, it wouldn't have been complicated.

Her soft voice ripped the silence: „You need to leave..."

Steve now turned his face to look at her in the dark: „I don't want to..."

Nat kept staring at the same spot: „I don't know when he's coming back. Maybe there is flight that arrives early morning."

Steve sat up to look at her from above: „Fine... then you can leave him and we can be together."

Natasha rolled her eyes, sarcasm was thick in her voice: „Of course! It's so easy. Let's just run away together."

Knowing it was no use Steve freed himself of the covers and started getting dressed again: „I told you... I'll leave her - for you."

Natasha now sat up too: „Right! And then I'm going to be the bitch who ruined the picture perfect marriage."

Steve grumbled: „Can't be so picture perfect when I'd rather be with you every moment of every day."

With a sigh Nat pulled the covers closer: „Yeah... but that's what everybody thinks. You can't just leave her anymore without consequences. There's more than just you and her involved in this now."

Steve stopped dead in his tracks: „I know... but I just don't want to play this game any longer."

Nat now raised her voice: „It isn't just a game! You are having a baby with her! You are a family."

Steve straightened the collar of his shirt: „If I leave I'm still gonna see the baby a lot."

Nat faked a laugh: „Right... you are the father, Steve. She's the mom and even though no one is going to admit it - the mom always gets custody. Only ladies who are crazy or in jail don't get it and Sharon is basically a trophy wife. It doesn't matter who you are in that situation."

He ran a hand through his hair and sat back down on the bed: „What am I supposed to do then?! I can't always make up excuses where I'm going at night. Especially when the baby will be born in a couple of months."

There was a moment of silence before Natasha was responding, her voice cold - repeating what she had told him before: „You need to leave."

Steve let out a frustrated breath: „Yeah..."

Natasha watched him get up again: „No... you need to leave, like in 'Go home to your wife and never come back to me.'"

Steve turned to face her: „It's not that easy, Nat. We are working together. We are on the same team. I can't just see you every day and stay away from you anyway. I won't be happy knowing that you are in this world and I can't be with you."

Natasha leaned back again: „Ignore it for a while and you'll learn to be happy. See... When your baby is born, you will have that to get closer to Sharon again. Because the baby will make you happy and she gave it to you, she will make you happy too. That is something I could never give you."

Steve shook his head: „No... but if I had you, I wouldn't need anything else."

The desperation in Natasha's voice was clearly audible, it was so hard for her: „Please... just go home. Leave!"

Steve calmly collected his jacket and walked over to the door. He stopped right as he was going to walk out of the bedroom. He didn't turn around as he was speaking: „Are you going to be happy... with him?"

Natasha took a moment to respond: „He treats me well. Even offers me to go with him when he travels."

Steve kept standing there looking at the picture of Nat and Bruce at some Restaurant, the man's arm around her shoulder: „And you would like going away with him?"

She knew that that wasn't the real question. She knew the real question was: Would you like to get away from me and from all this?

Natasha looked down at her hands. She briefly glanced over to the door. Steve's features clearly visible in the automatic light of the hallway. She considered her response, but then said it anyway: „Actually... Bruce will be staying only about a week when he's coming back tomorrow. He's going to leave for Malaysia then. I'll go too."

Now Steve turned around: „For how long?"

Natasha kept looking at him: „At least two months."

She had said that casually, as if she was stating a two day trip to Phoenix. Steve looked down: „You are doing this to stop our meetings from happening."

Natasha nodded: „Of course! This isn't right, you know?"

Steve looked at her again before staring at the floor: „Fine... This isn't resolving any problems, but fine..."

Natasha turned away now too: „It will... you'll see."

Without saying another word Steve walked down the hallway past the living room and out of the apartment. They had tried to end things before, but eventually they had always ended up in the same bed again.

It had started on a mission overseas when they had shared a room and the tension between them had taken the upper hand. Like she had stated: Two years ago that wouldn't have been that much of a problem. She had been free back then and he and Sharon had only been together for a few months. However that hadn't been the case half a year ago when they started the affair. Nat had been reconciling things with Bruce and they had gotten together again, Steve had been married to Sharon for a month already.

It was not a good situation. They knew it, but nevertheless they proceeded with it.

Now apparently Nat would take matters in her own hands and leave for months. Not just the city but the country all the way to the other side of the planet. Maybe it was for the best, but the best wasn't what he wanted.


	19. Sunrise

**October 19th: Sunrise**

 **(Post Civil War)**

Steve heard the soft clicking of the door to his room and turned his head immediately. He relaxed, however, when he saw her enter. He noticed his visitor immediately, her short blonde hair was illuminated in the first daylight. Her first move after closing the door behind her was to open the curtains.

Then she proceeded to look around the room. Natasha walked over to the bed soundlessly like a cat and sat down satisfied when she was sure they could see through the window from there.

Now she looked down at Steve who was still laying there: „Did I wake you?"

He sighed softly: „You know you almost never do."

Natasha nodded before asking: „Nightmares?"

Steve shook his head: „Not this time. Just the thought of where to go next lingering."

Natasha smiled: „Hey... it'll be alright. It always turns out to be."

Steve now sat up: „Why did you wake up?"

Natasha looked towards the window again: „I can't remember... Woke up multiple times tonight."

Steve nodded and followed her eyes. The clouds in the morning sky started to adapt shades of violet, orange and red.

Natasha pulled at the covers and made herself at home next to him. This had become a regular for the two of them. After living together at Avengers Facility they knew damn well that they both had problems sleeping through the night a lot.

But it wasn't like they could just meet up in the kitchen or the living room anymore. The motels and hotels they were staying at nowadays were small and sometimes didn't even have a dining room or a bar area of some kind. So one night in Romania Natasha had given up sleep and wandered the halls of the hotel.

After a while she knocked on Steve's door back then and he answered of course. They now had the habit of sneaking into each other's rooms to watch the sun rise together.

Natasha rested her head on a pillow: „Did you already see it on the news? Tony and Pepper have gotten engaged."

Steve nodded: „Yeah... seen it yesterday. I've sent him a text so he at least knows I care. Not that he would respond or something..."

Natasha smiled and nudged his arm: „Come on... of course he reads those. He's just way too proud to respond, but he for sure appreciates your texts."

Steve now smiled along: „Thanks for the attempted cheer up."

The sun was now starting to appear. The first rays peered over the tops of the hills and swallowed the darkness.

Natasha quietly said: „We'll figure this out... some day we can for sure go back and talk about the Sokovia Accords."

Steve watched the colors of the clouds lighten up: „I hope so... We can't live like this forever, I guess."

Natasha stretched her feet and now their legs were touching under the covers: „Maybe... but that isn't what counts right now."

They both loved the sunrise for different reasons.

Steve liked both the sunrise and the sunset equally. He loved the vibrant colors of the sky and the idea of the sun getting swallowed every evening only to be reborn the following morning. The colors were important. They opposed everything that haunted him to this day. The war with its dark uniforms and weapons and tanks. There seemed to be no colors but red. Red Skull commanding his Nazi troops and the blood of the battle. Red on the flag and his shield.

It was a dark and unpleasant red, no comparison to the soft salmon and redwood of the clouds. When they were watching the sunrise it was beautiful and for a few minutes he could stop worrying. He could just be a man. He could watch the sky and then he could watch the colors reflect on Natasha's face in her eyes, shimmering on her hair. And that what was truly the most beautiful about it.

Natasha loved the sunrise while the sunset was not really something she enjoyed in particular. Sure, she liked looking at the colors, but that's not what intrigued her. It was the light. No matter how long and dark the night had been - Even when clouds had covered the moon and stars all the time the sunrise would always defeat the darkness.

That was some kind of a beacon for her. Maybe there was a chance for her as well.

She enjoyed Steve's presence. He made her feel stronger. When he was with her the world slowed down a bit and she could take off her mask, let down her guard a bit. She trusted him and what was even more important for her - he trusted her too.

Maybe, just maybe he could be her light and overpower all the darkness around her.


	20. Jealousy

_Had a kind of busy Saturday (with my brother in the hospital, by that idiot broke his arm drunk) and slept in way too long on Sunday, so I'm behind, but hopefully will catch up these days :)_

 **October 20th: Jealousy**

 **(Post AoU, pre Civil War)**

Sam was walking into the kitchen first. He had a suit on and helped himself with a glass of water.

Natasha was sitting on the couch and turned around when she heard him enter. Confused she looked him up and down: „What are you up to?"

Sam put down the glass on the counter and looked at her surprised: „You don't know?"

Natasha shook her head and switched off the TV: „No, what?"

Tugging at his tie and looking at his blurred reflection in the fridge Sam said: „Steve and I are going out tonight. You remember this girl Rosie I met at a bar two weeks back?"

Natasha nodded: „Yeah... you told us about her. You've been on a date since, right?"

Sam grinned and turned to face her: „Yup, two already. It's going good. Anyway, she has that friend who is single so I'm going to set her up with Steve."

Letting that sink in for a few moments Natasha was about to respond when Steve walked into the room. He as well was dressed nicely. That was when the she realized he was looking amazing and that was how he would present himself to a girl - his date. And it was not her.

It had always been kind of complicated between the two of them. Steve and her were best friends and both leaders of their team, but there was nothing more. Well... not exactly. They didn't act on anything more.

There were little moments. Sparks were flying between them when they were sparing, when one was reaching for something in the shelf above the stove while the other was cooking, when they were sitting next to each other on the couch one leaning on the other, when they met at night making coffee or tea before return to their respective rooms. In moments like that Natasha felt like she could start things with him, but she never did and now that chance was potentially gone. She didn't like that feeling.

Sam now turned his attention to Steve and continued grinning: „Come on, man! You can't do this to me. I'll be invisible next to you looking like that."

Steve started laughing: „You know... Bucky once told me that too."

Sam rolled his eyes: „Okay... well. That doesn't make me feel any better about it."

Crossing his arms in front of his chest Steve said: „And still you are the one organizing the date, so there must be something about you."

That made Sam laugh: „Sure thing... let's see if she's still my lady at the end of the night."

Steve only now realized they weren't alone in the kitchen: „Oh hey, Nat!"

Natasha smiled a bit: „Well look at you! Sam achieved what I tried for a really long time. That guy has a date."

Steve nodded: „Hopefully I won't be a mess and ruin it."

Natasha shook her head, the thought that she might actually like his date to go badly in the back of her mind: „That won't happen, you have backup with you after all."

Steve looked at Sam briefly before looking back at her: „What are you up to tonight? Spending time with Clint?"

Clint had come to the Facility for a few days after completing some mission. Nat had invited him to stay for a bit when he came by to say hello before he would return to his family. Now it was his last night in New York before leaving again.

Natasha nodded: „Yeah... probably we'll just stay in."

Steve smiled: „Sounds like what I would do most of the time."

Sam glanced at his wristwatch: „Sorry to interrupt, but we need to leave."

Steve nodded and they started walking away: „Bye, Nat! See you tomorrow."

Natasha kept sitting on the couch backwards on her knees facing the kitchen instead of the TV. What if that date would go really well for Steve and that girl he was meeting would become his girlfriend? What if they became serious and she would come here sometimes - or he would be away all the time seeing her? They clearly wouldn't spend as much time together ever again.

Soon the feeling of frustration overpowered her. Why had she been so stupid? Why hadn't she ever approached him? Now it was clearly too late for that. He had left and worst case, wouldn't return until tomorrow.

Slowly the Black Widow got up from the couch and walked over to the cabinet. She looked through the sweets but wasn't particularly satisfied with the thought of chocolate. Her eyes wandered up to one shelf above where they kept alcohol.

'Just one shot and I'll feel better', she thought and took one of the whiskey bottles on the right. She grabbed a glass on her way to the table and sat down, pouring herself a serving of the liquor.

Nat looked at the brown substance for a moment before downing it. The tingling sensation and warmth in her stomach caused by the alcohol made her feel a little easier already.

The thought of Steve sitting at a restaurant having dinner with another woman, laughing about her jokes and complimenting her, however, was still as present as before.

She sighed and filled her glass once again, repeating the process of pouring and drinking a few times. Only when she started feeling lightheaded she stopped.

How dare he just go out? Didn't he notice those little things between them? Didn't he think about her and how they could start a relationship? Why should she act upon things?

Natasha buried her face in her hands. That wasn't important anymore. He was away and she was here, drinking alone.

When she heard the door she looked up immediately. Clint walked into the kitchen talking on the phone, when he spotted her and got one glance on the half-empty bottle he stopped midsentence. The caller's voice made him snap out of it however and he just said: „I'll call you again tomorrow, honey... kiss the babes good night from me."

He put his mobile on the counter after ending the call and walked over to her: „Nat?"

Natasha looked at him, but said nothing.

Clint, careful not to disturb her, sat down next to her: „What's going on?"

Natasha sighed: „Nothin'... I'm an adult, okay? Leave me alone."

Clint shook his head: „I know, I'm not here to stop you or something, but this looks like something is off to me."

Natasha normally wouldn't say anything, but this was Clint and she knew he would not give up until she told him about her problem. She stared at her empty glass and quietly said: „It's really silly... but Steve is going out... on a date."

Clint sighed: „I knew there was something going on..."

Natasha now looked at him: „No! There is nothing, actually. It's his good right to go out with other women, but..."

Clint finished her thought: „But now that it is happening, you don't like it a lot."

Nat just nodded and leaned back: „I hate everything about that... if I met that girl now I'd probably rip her stupid eyes out so she can't look at him."

Clint grinned: „Wow... okay now, Nat. Like you said, he is not with you or something. But I see..."

She ran a hand through her hair: „You don't see! You are married... you don't have that problem."

Clint carefully put a hand on her shoulder: „Yeah... not anymore. But you know, there was a time when I wasn't married and Laura is gorgeous. There was quite some competition."

Nat didn't push him away: „Steve is gorgeous as well... what am I supposed to do? It's too late now anyway."

Clint shook his head: „No... it's just a date. Maybe he they don't really connect and won't meet again. Even if it's not going that bad - he knows you longer and he for sure would drop that other woman for you."

Natasha now looked at him: „You... you think so?"

Clint nodded: „Absolutely!"

Hesitantly Natasha leaned over to hug him and Clint took her in his arms. He smiled as he softly rubbed her back: „It's going to be alright... just don't drink the rest of that bottle and go to bed. We'll find out more tomorrow."


	21. Waiting

_Okay, you are right. I need to continue yesterday's post. I won't do the date, though. I'm not good at that xD And yes, maybe I'll make a part 3 as well._

 **October 21st: Waiting**

 **(Post AoU, pre Civil War)**

Since she knew Clint wouldn't tolerate anything else but her returning to her room and trying to sleep, she did just that. It wouldn't work, however, since it was only 9 pm.

Natasha rolled over in bed.

Were they still at that restaurant having dinner? Would they go to a bar afterwards? And would he walk her home like the gentleman he was? Kiss her goodnight before leaving?

Natasha sat upright in bed at the thought of Steve kissing another woman. Why was this such a problem for her? She hadn't felt like that ever before and she hated being that jealous lady who didn't even have a reason to be jealous. She wasn't his girlfriend or something after all.

Frustrated Natasha got out of bed. This was ridiculous. She wouldn't get any better being alone in her room with her thoughts. Slowly she walked over and tied her hair in front of the mirror before leaving for their common floor again. Surely somebody was still there.

Like she thought she heard laughter from the kitchen. Wanda was stirring in a pot, the smell of Mac and Cheese was filling the whole room. Clint was putting up a dartboard on the wall, making sure there were no windows close by: „... you're gonna be the best at this after tonight, Wanda. You'll see."

Rolling her eyes Wanda laughed at his comments: „Don't be disappointed if I'm the worst though. I have only played darts once or twice before."

Clint grinned: „Well... you can shoot those red thingies out of your hands so you can't be too bad."

Natasha decided to make her presence known to the others and stepped into the room: „Is there some food in for me too?"

Wanda looked over to see it was her: „Sure... I'm really bad at calculating how many noodles I need anyway."

Natasha smiled: „Who isn't?"

Clint looked over at how now too: „How are you doing?" His tone of voice indicating he was talking about if she still felt drunk.

Natasha sat down by the bar: „Not too bad."

He nodded: „Are you gonna play darts with us too?"

Natasha nodded hesitantly: „Yes... I am not tired. I'll probably stay up a bit longer."

He knew exactly she was just waiting for Steve to return and interrogate him about everything, but he didn't say anything about it: „Okay then... I can beat you more than once."

Natasha sighed: „If we played something where Wanda and I would actually stand a chance you wouldn't be that cocky, Barton."

Clint shrugged: „Wanda asked me to teach her..."

Wanda grinned and started spreading the food on three plates: „Right... now it's my fault."

Cint walked over to help her carry the plates and Natasha put water and glasses on the table. They started eating and the discussion kind of stopped.

After dinner they decided on doing the dishes tomorrow morning and played a few games of darts. In the beginning Clint was clearly winning easy, but after one or two games Wanda got really good and could almost challenge him.

When midnight rolled around everyone went back to their rooms, but Natasha kept her door open to hear if Steve was coming home. Now that she wasn't distracted from her thoughts anymore they were all coming back to her at once.

Why was he not back yet?

What were they doing?

Was that other woman pretty? Better looking than her?

Finally at ten minutes to 1 she heard the door open. Natasha listened closely if she could hear voices or anything else. When there was no talking she decided to investigate and walked out of her room. The lights turned on when she walked down the hall and she met Steve halfway. He was alone.

Natasha acted as if she was going to do something else, like she was on her way and met him accidentally: „Ow, hey Steve... Back so late?"

Searching in his expression for any clues of how he was feeling Natasha waited for his answer.

Steve nodded and took off his jacket: „Yes, we've been to a bar afterwards."

Natasha gestured for him to continue: „Aand?"

Steve smiled: „Yeah... I mean... it's been nice. Rosie is really nice and she is a good catch for Sam and... Zoe is a really good person."

Zoe.

That was her name.

Natasha wanted to ask if that Zoe was going on a second date with him but she didn't think it was good to corner him. Instead she said: „That seems nice? Do you like her?"

Steve watched Natasha standing in front of him in the middle of the night in just shorts and a t-shirt from Disney-World. She seemed tense and her hair was a bit messy, she clearly hadn't slept yet.

Not too sure what to say Steve was searching for the right words, not to give her ideas.

Yes, she was lovely and yes, it had been a nice evening.

Yes, she was funny and yes, she was pretty.

Yes, she was interesting and yes, Sam had meant well.

But...

But she was not as witty as Natasha and it hadn't been as much fun as bingeing movies and making fun of the cliches with Natasha.

But she wasn't really into the same things as he was and they sometimes had nothing to talk about.

But she was was not as beautiful as Natasha and she would never be.

She was Zoe, but she wasn't Natasha.

Nat looked at him confused: „Is that a yes?"

Steve shook his head: „I... she's quite shy and I'm not sure about it. There isn't really a spark between us. Maybe I'll see how it's going, but I'll have to think about meeting her again."

Natasha hadn't expected that exactly, but that was better than a long and detailed story about how amazing the Zoe-woman was. She nodded and said: „Well... that's not too bad. Maybe you can tell me more in the morning."

He nodded and she kept walking in the direction of the kitchen, not to draw suspicion from him. When she heard his door close she started grinning. Now it wasn't so bad anymore.


	22. His team

_I'm way too sad to do part 3 of 'Nat is jealous'. Watching 'A Star is Born' broke me down. So you get this thing instead. Chapter is Steve-centered and not really Romanogers._

 **October 22nd: His team**

 **(During AoU)**

It seemed wrong that this place was beautiful. The sun was shining down on the fields, making their greens and golden yellow pop. Birds were singing in the trees and there were hardly any clouds in the sky.

In walking distance Steve could see the farmhouse.

How could Clint have kept them a secret from everyone for that long?

Maybe he did it because he knew that they wouldn't like his choice to constantly risk his life when they knew he had a family. Maybe Steve wasn't mad at the archer for not telling him, but at himself for not even realizing there was something off.

Other than the new perspective this reveal had opened up for Steve on Clint's role on their team, it also made him think what else lay in the dark.

Was everyone so secretive about their lives? What did he really know about his team-mates?

What kind of a team were they even if they couldn't trust each other?

As soon as they got to the Barton-home they had parted ways. Everyone had kind of walked off to be on their own. Steve was the first one to ask the kind and very pregnant host if there was something he could help her with. And she sent him wood-cutting. Soon Tony joined him there.

Tony had not hesitated. He had started talking about their situation immediately, but it was not as easy as he made it seem. For him it was all clear. Everyone was still irritated from the events going down in South Africa. Anyway they would need a little time and it would be okay.

If only it were that easy. Tony was afraid. He was guilt-driven and desperate. That wasn't a good combination to come up with a plan. But that wasn't his style anyways.

Steve started picking the flowers growing next to the stone he was sitting on. He could still feel the little splinters from the wood making microscopical cuts under his skin when he touched the flowers.

 _Give him a little time. You don't know what the Maximoff-kid showed him._

That was his answer. Thor had straight up left the spot when they arrived. They had no idea where he was or if he would return. And Tony's answer was to just wait for him to come back, as if he was a teenage runaway.

Sure, they had no idea what Wanda Maximoff had shown the demi-god. That was something else. They should talk about it. It was a burden they now all shared - those visions.

Nobody was opening up (at least not to him) and Tony hadn't asked.

 _Seems like you walked away alright._

Sure, Tony. Steve wasn't shaken up by the interaction he had shared with Peggy... no, with fake-Peggy in a fake-world. Tony of all people should know that hiding emotions was an option too.

Hiding... he was no better than the others. He wasn't telling them everything as well.

How would he lead a team that was not even working together?

How would they win against Ultron if he basically knew everything? The Maximoff-girl had basically torn them apart.

What would they do when they had to face the twins and Ultron?

Innocent people would die. It was bad enough what had happened in Johannesburg. And that was only a trap to get to the Vibranium.

What would Ultron pull when he wanted them dead?

What was the Vibranium even for? What kind of a weapon would that robot craft? It surely wasn't anything they already knew.

Like he had said. Howard Stark, a brilliant scientist, had made a frisbee out of the metal. Not that his shield wasn't a great tool, but the thought of what other, more sinister minds would come up with was not at all calming.

The sun began to set and Steve watched it sink slowly. By tomorrow they could all be dead. And he wouldn't be able to stop it.

Tony - who had so desperately tried to protect the world and doomed it instead, who had only meant well, but it got out of hand. Killed by his very own creation, that would be a story for the world-media... that said, if there still was a world in that case.

Clint - who was willing to leave his family and his home behind again to fight with the Avengers, to fight for the safety of the ones he loved. What if he would fail him? What if he wouldn't be able to come home and meet his new baby when it would be born.

Nat - who had become a real friend to him, someone whome he trusted. He knew she was afraid of Ultron, because that was something she couldn't calculate, had never seen before. She trusted him the same way he trusted her and he was about to fail her, to lead them into their own falldown.

Bruce - who had never wanted any part in this, who could have had a normal life if it wasn't for the Hulk. Now that he had that power he wouldn't be okay with watching the world burn. Ultron wasn't like Loki, this was different and they had just seen in Johannesburg that not even the Hulk was immune to Wanda Maximoff.

Thor - who probably wouldn't even return, but at the same time wanted to protect the earth. Steve knew they needed him, but at the same time he hoped he would stay away. If they failed, they would fail big time. If they fell, they would fall together.

The sun now disappeared completely behind the small hills on the horizon. It wasn't getting too dark yet, however.

Steve dropped the flowers he was still holding and rose from his spot on the flat rock. He needed to go back. Maybe Laura needed some help with dinner. She hadn't expected guests after all.


	23. Silver Lining

**October 23rd: Silver Lining**

 **(Post Infinity War, AU?)**

All hell broke loose. Yes, that was probably the best way he could discribe it. People had turned into dust everywhere and the king was nowhere to be found. Gone as well, some of the warriors were saying.

And poor Shuri was in the middle of all the mess, no time for mourning her loss. She needed to keep this place running, make sure everyone was sticking together.

She had set up a medical wing in the area of her lab and the rooms next to that and that was exactly where Steve was going now. He was not interested in getting his own injuries checked out since most of those had healed already, but he was searching.

After the events that had just gone down he concerned himself with gathering those who were still there, finding places for them to stay. He was majorly confused by that raccoon, but it seemed to be really sad and he felt for it. So he sat with the creature calling itself 'Rocket' and Thor outside where the others had disappeared.

He kept talking about building a spaceship and searching for some people Steve had never heard of, but they were like family to Rocket, it seemed. And Thor was telling him he would go too and search for them and also look for Tony because he must be somewhere still.

Thor, who had gone through lots of things apparently wasn't accepting that there was the possibility of Tony and those others being gone as well.

After making sure the two of them were delaying their plans for building a spaceship Steve walked around Wakanda looking for the one person who meant everything to him.

Natasha had met up with him right after the snap to make sure he was still there and they both held each other tightly until they deemed it safe. Nat had excused herself and made her way towards the city. Ever since he hadn't seen her and he was worried.

What if she had been injured worse than she was telling him and needed medical assistance?

He knew he needed to find her. And that's why he was checking the government buildings.

On his way around he asked some people for the medical wing and was given directions to Shuri's lab. When he got there he quietly looked for Nat in the rooms not to disturb anyone else. At first he couldn't find her and he was about to leave but then he decided on checking the storage as well.

There, sitting on some kind of field bed, was Natasha. She held three pieces of photo-paper the size of postcards in her hands, but looked up when she heard the door open.

Steve was relieved to see her and she greeted him with a little smile. He sat down next to her and she put the cards away, putting them on the floor.

Steve was still a bit concerned since she was in the medical wing. She had changed out of her suit and into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

He carefully brushed his fingers over her right temple and let his hand rest on her cheek for a few seconds: „Are you alright?"

Natasha nodded and put her hand on his: „Yes... don't worry."

Steve sighed and pulled her a bit closer to him: „Then why are you here?"

She supported herself against him and listened to the sound of his breathing: „I needed to get something checked... it... I needed to know."

Now Steve was letting her go again because he wanted to see her face: „But how do I not worry then?"

Nat hesitated but then she picked up the cards again. She swallowed hard and started talking while handing them over to him: „You know how I went to the hospital a few weeks ago because I told you I had the flue? It turns out I didn't have the flue, but... I was pregnant."

Steve stared at the little pictures. It were ultrasounds and he could clearly make out the features of a human on them. Then he put them down, still holding onto the pictures and looked at Natasha again: „Is it...?"

Natasha shook her head: „It is still there... we are going to have a baby. It is alive and well."

Steve was overwhelmed by her words. They were having a baby, something they had never even talked about, something they hadn't thought was an option for them. But it was there and he was holding the evidence in his hands.

Steve took a deep breath. He didn't know what to say so he just kissed her instead.

10 minutes ago everything was terrible. His best friends had turned into dust, they had lost the battle, they had failed the earth. The damage was unbearable. But now it was all different. Now he was going to be a parent and Natasha was still alive. He still had her. They were having a baby.

There for sure was a silver lining on the horizon.


	24. Coming back Home

_Yesterday I wasn't all too successful battling my migraine so I'll need to catch up a lot this weekend xD_

 **October 24th: Coming back Home**

 **(During Infinity War)**

The jet departed from the ground softly and easily. Natasha was in the front, checking the control panel and typing in a location she thought she might as well never be able to return to again. She stole a glance at Steve who was farther back in the jet to assist Wanda with Vision.

He clearly looked worried. If that alien tech had been able to wound Vis then it would probably do much worse things as well. Natasha sighed and looked down on the city of Edinburgh once again before they left it behind. It would take them a few hours to get back to New York.

She suddenly felt a presence approaching her from behind and turned. It was Sam walking up to the panel from the back. He tried a smile before talking: „I'll take over for a bit. You can go back and chill a bit."

Natasha ran a hand through her hair: „Are you sure? I can handle this, you know?"

Sam nodded: „Yeah... I know, but..." He made a small gesture towards the very back of the jet, „...maybe talk to Steve. He looks like a mess honestly and he won't listen to me."

Nat frowned: „Well, most of the time he listens to no one at all."

Sam sat down in the pilot's chair: „Yeah, but at least cheer him up or something."

Natasha looked down before nodding: „Okay then..." She made her way past Vision and Wanda whome she briefly talked to and to the very back of the jet.

Steve was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. He looked up when he saw her approaching him. With a sigh he straightened himself a bit: „Sam sent you?"

Natasha smirked: „Yeah..."

Steve nodded and invited her to sit as well with a gesture of his hand.

She sat down next to him. She noticed the worry lines on his forehead had deepened again, they always did when he was overthinking things a lot. Natasha sighed before speaking up: „Is it because of Tony?"

Steve hesitated. Then he looked over to meet her eyes and said: „Some of it, yes. You know... we never really talked after..."

Natasha started chewing on the insides of her cheeks: „Right... but it's Tony. He will return."

Steve sighed: „Hopefully... I just..." Steve swallowed hard before releasing a shaky breath.

Natasha's heart broke a little for him. She carefully came closer to him and closed her arms around him: „Hey... ain't you supposed to be the optimistic one instead of me?"

She felt him smile a bit against her shoulder: „Probably."

Quietly Steve started playing with her hair before pulling her up in his lap. She leaned on him and took his hands in hers: „It feels strange, doesn't it?"

Steve softly put a kiss on the back of her head: „What does?"

Her voice was soft and soothing: „Going back."

Steve now looked down on their hands: „Yes, kind of. I don't really like the thought."

Natasha shifted slightly to make herself more comfortable: „I don't know... it was kind of home once before, but what will it be like now? Did they keep it the same?"

Steve sighed again before saying: „Maybe... but what does it matter. We won't have the chance to stay there a lot anyway."

Nat hesitated, but then said: „What did Bruce tell you had happened?"

She felt him tense when she brought up the name. Steve tried not to think about it too much: „That he was on an alien ship with Thor... and Thanos blew it all up. He has a magic gauntlet and uses it to destroy everything. And he is coming for earth because Vision has one of the stones he needs. Those two creatures we encountered in Scotland were probably his minions."

Natasha sighed: „Steve... really? That is what bothers you?"

Steve knew deep down it was hilarious. Nat was with him now and they had been together for months. He shouldn't worry about anything, especially not stuff that had happened years prior, but the thought of Nat meeting Bruce again was bothering him.

He considered his words before speaking up: „I know there is nothing between you and him anymore, but... probably he still has feelings for you. You haven't met in so long and we don't know what he was up to in that time really..."

Nat interrupted him and grinned: „Steve! It doesn't matter. I'm over and done with that. You don't have to think about it, it is better to just concentrate on Thanos. That is a little bit more important now if you ask me."

Steve now smiled as well. She was right, she was in his arms after all. He pulled her closer again: „Yeah... that's right. We'll need to work together."

Natasha leaned her head back and gave him a peck on the cheek: „We always do, you know that."

Steve smiled and softly guided her head back again to kiss her.

Natasha was right. They would have to work together, everyone. Now that Thanos was coming for the Infinity Stones they couldn't afford to argue about petty things. This was crucial.


	25. Rewrite the Stars

_I can't physically do a Circus-AU without Clint in it. Really xD Also, this is obviously inspired by 'The Greatest Showman' and 'Water for Elephants' which you should both watch!_

 **October 25th: Rewrite the Stars**

 **(Circus-AU)**

(Steve and Nat both do trapeze, she is married to the ringmaster and he can't have her)

Steve knew the food they gave the artists wasn't as gross as the one for the workers, but it for sure wasn't quality either. Gulping down the last bit of what he assumed was some kind of stew he put his bowl away.

Clint was still eating and looked at him surprised: „Why so stressed?" Like most of them the other man hadn't bothered to change out of his show-costume which consisted of a dark-purple coat and black trousers. His black and purple mask sat next to him on the floor as did his bow and arrows he would never let out of his sight.

The circus currently stopped near a town. Tomorrow was the last show for that area.

Steve just shrugged and stood up. He too was still in his suit which was pretty tight and consisted of mostly red, white and blue shades blending in together. It needed to be tight - he was doing trapeze after all.

Clint sighed and put his bowl down: „Come on, man! You can't be sneaking out at night all the time."

Steve smiled sheepishly: „I'm not sneaking out. We need to do some training. Nat and I need to practice, we haven't been doing the new performance for too long..."

Clint shook his head: „Nat... so she's Nat now? Last time I knew she was Natasha and honestly - she should be just Madame like she is for everyone else."

Steve sighed: „You don't get it, Clint. She's not that snobbish person you are all thinking she is."

Clint looked down: „I believe you... but she's out of your reach. That lady is married to the boss and if anyone would get too close to her, he would probably kill them. I like you kid... I can't have you killed."

Steve rolled his eyes: „I'll be back soon."

With those words he left the small tent they both shared and walked up to the big top to meet Natasha.

It was such a big place when it was so empty. Steve walked past the spectator's rows and there she was. Leaning against the ladder leading up to the trapeze. She turned around when she heard him her. Her beautiful red locks followed her movement and her big green eyes met his blue ones.

She was wearing her costume as well, which matched his.

„You came...", her voice was soft.

Steve quickly looked around to make sure no one could see them together before pulling her close to him and kissing her.

Natasha returned the kiss passionately. She let go of the ladder and wrapped her arms around him. He could still taste the champagne she had had for dinner on her lips.

With a whisper between their lips Steve replied: „Of course... I needed to see you."

He picked her up and sat her down on one of the platforms they used for animal-performances. He sat down next to her and kissed her again.

Natasha gently ran her fingers through his hair and that is when he stopped kissing her.

Confused she looked at him: „What?"

He softly took her hand in his and pulled her sleeve back a bit, revealing a bruise which stretched from the middle of her forearm to her hand: „What happened?"

Natasha looked down: „I..."

He immediately stopped her: „No... not the crap you tell everyone else who asks you. The real thing."

She sighed: „Steve... it doesn't matter."

Steve shook his head: „He did it... he hit you again!"

She put two of her fingers on his lips quickly: „Shh... keep quiet or someone might come."

Steve now looked her in the eyes: „We need to get away from here. It can't go on like that. Some day he will kill you."

With a sad look on her face she pushed down her hair behind her ear: „We can't... he would find us everywhere. It is just not possible."

Steve cupped her face with his hands: „We will find a way, as long as we are together. You just need to trust me."

Natasha put his hands down with hers and stood up, turning her back on him: „No. We can't take that many risks. We are just not meant to be, it's hopeless."

Steve stood up too: „Come on, Nat... I love you. We are made for each other."

Hesitantly she turned back around: „I'm not so sure. Where would we even go?"

Steve took her hands in his: „Look... if we make it overseas, we'll be fine. We can build a new life together."

Natasha swallowed hard and looked at their hands: „I want nothing more than being with you, but all of this is a mess."

Steve pressed a kiss to her forehead: „We can leave tomorrow right after our performance, it is only halfway through the show. It will buy us some time."

Natasha pulled her hands free and shook her head: „I'm sorry that I cursed you with knowing me... but it can't be. I'm truly sorry."

She looked at him once again before walking past him and out of the big top. Steve followed her with his eyes before dropping back down on the platform. He didn't care if her husband would kill him. There was no life without her anyway.


	26. I'm with you

_Yeah, I'm doing jealousy a lot because that is something I'm unfortunately very familiar with. I also feel like it is so much harder to write fluff and happy endings for Romanogers, they are kind of sweet but tragic to me._

 **October 26th: I'm with you**

 **(Post Civil War, pre Infinity War)**

Steve was pulling at her hand dragging her along behind him: „Come on... we can't stop." Natasha tried really hard to keep up, but everytime her left foot touched the ground it sent waves of exasperating pain through her whole body: „Trying... my best."

The small group of terrorists they had been watching for days had arranged a deal concerning weapons in the middle of nowhere. That should have been their chance, but unfortunately the group turned out to be much bigger and one of them smashed Natasha's foot. Running away turned out to be the only option left, but that proved to be more difficult than they had initially thought.

Steve heard the terrorists come closer again and saw the flashlights reappear, joined by car-lights. Without thinking he grabbed Natasha and held her tight. They needed to go faster. In both of their earpieces Sam's voice appeared. Wanda also talked in the background, but they couldn't make her words out.

„Steve, Nat. Where are you at? We lost you again on the GPS, this area is shit."

Steve was about to respond, glancing back behind him again, when he felt his foot slip on an edge that should not be there. His first instinct was to wrap his arm around Natasha to protect her from the ground, but the ground didn't come.

Nat was frantically trying to free herself from him to hold onto something when she felt them fall down what seemed to be a hole in the ground.

She had read about natural cave systems in this area, but didn't think about it too much. That was probably not the best thing to do.

Steve quickly grabbed her waist and activated the grappling hook in her belt. The hook shot up trailig the rope attached to Natasha's belt behind it. The cave walls were slippery and clearly not the best environment to use this, but it was the only chance to stop the fall - at least for Nat.

He knew if he kept holding onto her the hook wouldn't find a solid hold in the stone and they would both keep falling. The grappling hook was designed to hold her weight after all and not both of them.

Moments after activating the device the rope stiffened. Steve held on for a moment longer to slow his own fall. He whispered a 'Sorry' in her ear before letting go.

It all went down so fast. A second ago they had still been up there running. Then they had started falling and now she was hanging in the middle of the cave. When she felt Steve's grip on her loosen up she stretched out her hand to hold onto him, but she just touched the air.

Natasha heard herself scream his name several times before cursing violently.

With shaky hands she fumbled for a flashlight in the pocket on her leg. It was so dark in the damn place she couldn't even see what was under her, where the ground was.

Once again she called for Steve, but there was no answer again. Finally she found what she had been searching for.

The little flashlight was light in her hand, but it still produced enough light to see just fine.

Natasha mustered up some courage before brightening the area under her. Sam was calling again, but her priorities were elsewhere: „Guys... we can come and get you, but I need coordinates. Come on... please, answer."

Natasha froze when she spotted what she was looking for. Steve was on the ground on his back. She pressed her lips together and started roping down. It must be at least 90 feet between her and the ground.

When she ran out of rope she fired her second grappling hook directly into the wall in front of her and retrieved the first one, then she continued.

When her feet finally met with solid ground again she nervously detached herself from the rope and ran over to Steve. Carefully she knelt down and frantically searched for a heartbeat. She tried to calm down to make sure she wasn't hearing her own one while putting two fingers to his neck. Two agonizing seconds passed, but then she found it.

A weak motion against her fingertips and a slow rise and fall of his chest. Natasha realeased a breath and muttered a 'Thank God'.

She didn't know if she should try moving him in case he had any damage done to his spine, but the puddle of blood forming under his head concerned her way too much. It seemed to be the only wound that bled so she needed to make it stop.

As carefully as possible Nat rolled him over to his side. She immediately found the source of the head injury. Where he had landed the rocks had an irregularity while most of the structure was smooth from years of exposure to the elements.

She inspected the cut closely, it was deep and still bleeding, but there seemed to be no way it had gotten through to the brain. Natasha searched his pockets for first aid stuff and eventually found a bandaid and a compress. She pressed it to the wound and bandaged around his head which proved to be not that easy.

When she was sure he had no other visible wounds she fished for the cmm on his sleeve and finally responded to Sam.

„Sam, it's Nat. Don't ask too many questions, just be quick! We fell down an underground cave and Steve needs medical attention right now. I am not injured, but he is unconscious and I don't know the extent. I am now sending you the coordinates on you cmm from ours, just remember they are underground."

It took Sam only a moment to respond: „Nat, finally! We are on our ways, I'm bringing Wanda, she can lift you guys up. Just stay there."

Satisfied that help was on the way Natasha focused on Steve again. She was about to check his heartbeat again when he stirred. Steve took a few shaky breaths and tried to turn.

Natasha ran her hands through the side of his hair that was not bloody next to the bandage: „Shh... Steve. It's alright, I'm with you."

His voice came out husky and really low: „Nat... You alright?"

She rolled her eyes: „You are such an idiot... you fall down and almost die and you are asking me if I'm alright."

Steve tried to turn again so he could look at her. Natasha sighed and carefully helped him move so his head wouldn't hit the uneven rock again.

She could tell he was in pain. He was trying to hide it as much as possible, but there was that look in his eyes. Natasha took one of his hands with both of hers: „What else hurts? I mean, other than your head."

Steve closed his eyes briefly, but opened them again to not make her worry even more: „I... I can't tell, really. I can't... see clearly..."

Natasha squeezed his hand: „I called Sam... he'll be here soon and then we can take proper care of you. We have the equipment on the jet."

Steve tried a small smile, but grimaced right away: „I know... it will be fine."

Natasha bit down on her bottom lip before saying: „You shouldn't have let go... why didn't you just hold onto me?"

Steve tried to focus on her face, tried to make out her features in the blurry surroundings: „Not an option... we would have fallen both. And I... I'm more likely to survive..."

Fighting the urge to hit him for his stupidity Natasha raised her voice: „I hate you and your dumb death wish, Rogers... Take care of your own ass, too, not just of other asses!"

Steve chuckled softly: „Sorry, Nat... but I need you alive."

Natasha bit back a whimper, but she couldn't stop her eyes from watering: „I need you alive too! You have no idea how much I worry about you everytime you do something stupid like this."

Steve now closed his eyes: „Oh, I do... it's the same way... I feel when something happens to you."

Natasha softly started brushing her hand over his forehead: „Don't fall asleep..."

That's when she heard someone call her name from above. It was Wanda, thank God! They were here. Natasha looked up, but didn't let go of him: „Wanda! We are here, I have the flashlight on! You can lift us and I'll navigate you!"


	27. Finally

_Finally completing the Jealousy series._

 **October 27th: Finally**

 **(Post AoU, pre Civil War)**

In the morning Natasha woke up to the sunlight breaking through her curtains. She looked over to the digital clock on her nightstand. It was 9 already and Nat kicked back the covers. While washing her face and brushing her teeth she was thinking about things to ask Steve.

Maybe he had thought this over and was planning on going out with Zoe again.

Natasha tried to push that thought away, but it didn't really work. She had thought about searching for pictures of that woman on social media all night, but with only her first name and the general area she lived in it would be way too complicated. What did she look like?

Nat sighed and got dressed quickly. Probably the others were still having breakfast. She was about to walk out of her apartment when she spotted a single blue post-it-note on her door - inside. She recognized the handwriting immediately.

'Morning, Nat. The walls are thin. Next note on the elevator.'

Natasha cursed and muttered under her breath 'Damn you, Barton.'

She considered not playing his little game, but in the end her curiosity won her over. She walked out of the door and walked towards the elevator. How did he even place that note there without waking her up?

She would usually take the stairs down to the kitchen, but Clint wanted her on the elevator so she pressed the button to call it. After a few seconds she heard the soft ping and the doors opened. Sure thing, there was another note next to the control panel.

'Go down to the gym'

Natasha rolled her eyes and pressed the button. Whatever it was he was up to, she didn't really trust the situation. She walked out of the elevator again when she reached her destination and looked around. No new post-its in the hallway so she was probably supposed to walk straight to the gym area.

On the door to the first training room she found another note, only stating: 'You're almost there. Go to the balcony'

Natasha released a frustrated gasp. Almost where, Barton? What kind of treasure hunt was he putting her through when it was morning and the weekend?

Natasha opened up the door and walked through the gym to the balcony door. When she turned the corner she stopped dead in her tracks.

Steve was standing in front of the door. He turned around and looked at her a bit surprised: „Good... good morning."

She hesitantly started walking towards him again: „Morning, Steve..."

She could see another post-it on the door.

'Wait up for each other here, you two. Then you can go outside.'

She read it quietly before looking at Steve: „So you...?"

He nodded and showed her a post-it, which she assumed he had found in his room this morning.

‚Hey Steve. Time to do some magic. Next note on the elevator.'

Natasha sighed: „Stupid... what kind of a thing is this?"

Steve shrugged: „I have no idea... I know no more than you do."

Suddenly she felt a bit bad since she had kept him waiting unintentionally: „Have you been here for a long time already?"

Steve smiled and shook his head: „No... only about 15 minutes. I could have left, but I needed to know what's going on."

Natasha looked at the note on the balcony-door again: „Well... we are both here now. We might as well go and find out."

He nodded briefly and opened up the door for her. Nat walked outside and he followed her. She looked around and saw a series of notes on the wall next to the door. She waited up for him and they both read it.

'It's painful to watch you people dance around each other. Wanda is tired of it.'

'So, before I leave I might as well settle things for you. If you keep pretending you are not in love with each other - fine, but everyone knows.'

‚So please do us a favor and finally admit it'

On the last of the four notes, which were pinned to the wall next to each other, Clint had drawn an arrow and written 'Turn the corner' underneath.

Natasha only now realized that Steve was reading the very same things as she was. She swallowed hard and looked over to face him. He started brushing aggressively when their eyes met. Natasha looked down again nervously and felt her own cheeks getting hot and reddening. After what had just happened she thought they might as well follow the instructions to the end.

She looked up again: „Steve... I... maybe..."

Steve let her stammer helplessly for a few seconds. He scratched the back of his head before he quietly said: „Is... are they right? Do you like me?"

Natasha closed her eyes briefly before looking at him again: „Can't you see that? I hated every second of yesterday night. To know you were going out with some other chick was horror. I couldn't stop thinking about you falling in love with another woman. About how she probably was better looking than me and how you would gaze into each other's eyes."

She paused, but he was just looking at her in disbelieve so she continued: „And... I never admitted that shit to myself, but the thought of you having a girlfriend that is not me kind of doesn't sit well with me. Up until now it was only the little things... like you talking to that mail-woman who always gets a little too close and holds onto the deliveries a little too long. And... the way you help the cleaning lady when she comes here to check on the apartments once a week. I just... I get that feeling..."

Natasha now realized that she was a mess and was rambling uncontrollably so she stopped talking and buried her face in her hands.

Steve looked at her for a moment longer before he started laughing loudly. Natasha slowly put her hands down, still ashamed: „What's so funny?"

Steve kept grinning after he managed to contain his laughter: „Nat, you're crazy! I never thought you even cared! I was the one feeling stupid when I looked at you talking to other man and felt jealous..."

Natasha interrupted him quickly: „You felt jealous? Now that must be a joke..."

Steve chuckled: „Looks like we are both just the worst..."

Natasha now grinned: „Looks like it, yeah... now I wanna know what's on that last post-it."

Steve agreed and they both followed the wall around the corner only to discover the last note:

'You just talked? Great! - Now kiss!'

Steve looked from the post-it to her when he had read the small note. Natasha started blushing again, but eventually looked at him too.

Steve smiled: „Well... we can't disappoint Clint after all the work he has done tonight, can we?"

Natasha smiled along: „We probably can't"

Steve hesitated, but then closed the gap between them. He tugged a loose strand of hair behind her ear and rested his hand on the back of her head before kissing her.

The kiss was sweet and soft. Steve could still taste her peppermint-toothpaste on her lips. He felt her hands holding onto his back.

Slowly their lips parted again and they both started laughing. Natasha looked him in the eyes while saying: „Well... that was not how I imagined my morning... but this is better."

They both turned their heads when they heard someone walk out onto the balcony. Clint stopped when he saw them there and grinned: „Finally!"


	28. Sing me to sleep

_So I decided to finish the collection anyways (as usual I didn't finish when I was supposed to). The following two one-shots have one theme in common and it's a warning at the very same time: character death. I recommend listening to sad music._

 **October 28th: Sing me to sleep**

 **(Not sure where to place this AU... probably Post Civil War, pre IW)**

In moments like that one he so badly wished he could turn back time just a few seconds and try again. He would give pretty much everything to gain that power.

Another bullet grazed his shoulder, but it barely did any damage. That wasn't important now. Steve threw a knife at the attacker who had just shot. He managed to hit the other man in the stomach. Immediately he pushed forward, pulling the knife out with one quick movement and hitting the attacker on the back of his head with his arm, knocking him unconscious.

Steve spun away right away and kicked the last of the group of terrorists away and pinned him down with the knife. He didn't care whether or not the guy was just down or dead. There were other things on his mind.

Almost slipping on a spot of ice hidden by the fresh snow Steve half stumbled the few feet back to where a body lay in the snow. The blood colored the white snow around her in a deep crimson.

Steve fell to his knees next to her and immediately started removing her jacket to see how bad the damage was. He froze for a second when his eyes met with a pool of blood which originated from the center of her abdomen. She was even paler than usual and her eyes were closed. Steve cursed under his breath and used the jacket to apply pressure to the wound as it dawned on him that the bullet had gone all through her body and exited through her back.

The sound of footsteps made him turn his head. Sam stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what was going on: „Oh my God... What...?"

Steve took a deep breath and kept his voice as steady as possible: „Sam, run and find Wanda. She probably waits by the jet, we need the jet here... now!"

The other man didn't even know what to say and turned. He started running right away and soon he was out of sight.

Steve desperately tried to stop his hands from shaking when the woman in his arms moved her arm just the slightest bit and opened her beautiful green eyes. Steve's voice came out husky, but there was hope in his tone: „Nat..."

Natasha confusedly moved one of her hands towards her stomach, but she met with Steves hand pressing on the jacket, which was doing a decent job at stopping the bleeding.

Steve looked down at their hands for a moment before he looked at her face again: „Don't... we... we will fix it. Just stay with me, understood?"

Natasha bit down on her bottom lip and it was clear she had a hard time keeping herself awake. Her voice was weak and barely audible: „You're a terrible liar..."

Steve shook his head and pressed down even harder: „No! We have made it through some pretty nasty stuff... this is not going to end here."

Natasha swallowed hard. Steve frantically tried to fix things, but sometimes he couldn't do that. She breathed in painfully and addressed him: „Steve... please... just stop. Let me look at you."

He did as she commanded and focused on her face again, while still trying to keep the pressure: „You can look at me every day from now on, you just need to stay awake."

The corners of her mouth twitched upwards: „I don't know if I... can do that."

Steve fought back the tears: „Come on Nat. I need you. I can't live without your jokes to cheer us all up... and your smile, your talent to annoy me out of my mind with your comments..."

He slowly felt her drifting away in his arms as he spoke so he pulled her closer: „Nat, please!"

She closed her eyes again and the fear of never seeing those beautiful green stars again overwhelmed him.

Natasha could barely talk, but he could still make out her words: „I'll miss you..."

A tear made its way down Steve's cheek. What he said next only came out as a whisper, barely louder than the wind: „I love you."

He saw Natasha smile weakly. She parted her lips to answer him, but the only thing that came out was a whimper accompanied by a small line of blood from the corner of her mouth.

Steve felt more tears well up in his eyes and he didn't stop them from falling. He started singing a Russian lullaby to her in a low tone. One of his hands started brushing through her hair, the other still pressed on the wound.

He was adding red strains to her silver locks and it reminded him of the past. His voice shook but he kept singing, as he felt her breathing slow down. She stopped shaking and her features softened.

Steve couldn't continue and the singing was replaced by small sobs. Natasha made her last breath and he knew it had been the last time he had ever talked to her.

When he heard the jet behind them she had went limp in his arms. And in that moment the world just stopped turning for him.

He didn't see Wanda and Sam running towards them. He didn't react when they were checking for a pulse. When Wanda collapsed in the snow he slowly shook his head.

Carefully, as if trying not to wake her from sleep, Steve placed a kiss on Natasha's forehead: „I'm sorry..."


	29. I didn't say we should leave

_Yep, keep the sad music going. Also, please review any of the chapters if you have a few spare minutes on the train or something xD_

 **October 29th: I didn't say we should leave**

 **(During AoU, battle of Sokovia - AU)**

Only a moment passed. The Hulk gently set her down on the helicarrier before pushing himself back in the air. Natasha looked up to see him disappear inside a quinjet. She quickly got up and looked around herself. Agents were hurrying around to find a place for the people of Sokovia who were already arriving on the platform with the first jets.

She couldn't wait around here so she decided to find the others while helping with the evacuation. Nat ran over to the jets and went on board of one of the smaller carriers. They took off towards the floating city once again.

When they stopped at the edge she saw something really worrying. The carrier that had arrived before hers was already getting loaded and one of the people to leave the city was Clint. Nat quickly departed and made her way to the other vehicle. She stopped in front of the first row of seats where her friend was standing, looking around in a confused manner. Carefully Nat touched his shoulder to get his attention: „Clint?"

Her voice startled him, but he recognized her immediately and turned slightly to lock eyes with her: „Nat... you alright?"

She nodded: „Yeah... but you don't look too good."

Clint swallowed hard: „I... I am good... just... the kid. I... I couldn't save him. He saved me."

Natasha was confused by his babbling and shook her head: „What do you mean? Who are you talking about?"

The archer started staring at the city behind her: „There was this little boy in the rubble. I picked him up and ran towards the carrier to give him back to his parents and... there... there was a jet flying over us, firing down. I kept the boy close to shelter him, but... there were no bullets coming... they. The fast kid, the Maximoff boy, he took the bullets."

There was a silence between them and Nat looked down. Clint fought back the tears: „He's dead, Nat. He died..."

Natasha carefully and softly ran her hand over his arm: „But you didn't... you are here, Clint. This is horrible, but he has no one. Only the sister. You have responsibility, you need to live."

He nodded: „Thanks Nat... but that is not how it is supposed to happen. He was so young..."

Natasha sighed: „Don't think about it now. You need to get back to the helicarrier and get yourself checked and patched up."

He nodded again: „You should stay here too. Not sure how long Sokovia is going to last."

Natasha saw that the carrier was filling up with people and sighed:„No... I'll take the last one back. I should help the others. Where is everyone anyway?"

Clint looked at her again: „Don't know... last time I knew everyone was still on the city."

Natasha nodded: „Then that is where I need to be. Take care!"

He turned to walk further onto the plane: „You too!" Then she left the carrier quickly because it was ready for take off. She looked around the city of Sokovia and guided a few of the people who hadn't left yet to the get-away-planes. She had picked up from hear-say that Tony was on the bottom of the rock to mingle with the core and Thor was protecting it on the surface. However, she hadn't seen Steve since they had fought Ultron and his robots together.

Suddenly she saw several people running toward the carrier and right behind the small group was Steve protecting them from the robots following them. Nat ran over to the last carrier waiting for departure and met him there. He waited until everyone was on board and then addressed Nat: „Is everyone on the helicarrier?"

Nat shrugged: „I know Clint is save and Bruce is on one of the jets. But I don't know about Thor, Tony and Vision..."

Steve nodded: „That's alright. They are shutting down the core and... they will pulverize the city before it hits the ground."

Nat frowned: „Pulverize? Like blow it up?"

Steve looked around to make sure there was nobody left at all before stepping onto the carrier: „Yes, exactly. Tony said he knew how to do it and it is the only way."

Natasha shot a look over her shoulder to check on the Sokovians on the carrier. She stepped onto the platform and looked back at him: „In that case we should really leave now."

Steve nodded and was about to follow her when he heard a child's cry behind him in the rubble. He stopped: „Hold on for a sec... wait here." He turned around and ran towards the crumbling buildings. He didn't exactly remember where it came from so he called out: „Hello?"

A small voice responded shakily: „Help..."

Right away Steve followed the sound and he found a little girl nearby. Her foot was jammed between two pieces of debris. Steve lifted one of those up and picked her up: „Don't worry, kid... I'll take you back to your mom."

The child relaxed just the slightest bit in his arms, but she still continued crying. Steve reached the open space in front of the buildings again. He saw the small carrier waiting for them. There was a woman in the front who stretched out her arms towards them. He assumed she was a relative of the girl.

Next to the woman was Natasha. The corners of her lips turned upward a bit when she saw him coming back. For the fact that they had just been in battle she looked stunning. The setting sun illuminated her small frame and reflected from her beautiful red curls. It was not his place, however, to look at her that way.

Steve hurried to get back, but suddenly the ground shook for a moment. Then he felt a new sensation. The whole city started moving down.

The little girl in his arms clung onto him for dear life and her crying intensified. Steve needed to do something quickly because no matter how fast he ran to the carrier, they would probably not make it. He grabbed his shield and with one skilled movement he tied the child to it with a grappling hook. The city now started falling faster and as loud as humanly possible he called out for Nat to catch the shield. Then he threw it upward towards the carrier. A shriek escaped the young girl, but then everything went silent for him.

He saw the shield arrive safely on the platform. Then he saw Natasha reaching out for him. Soon she was small and distant.

The sensation of falling overtook him again. Automatically he held onto what used to be a street lamp. For a moment he was back on the plane falling down towards the ice, but this time there would be no ice. The ocean underneath him was not frozen and this rock was much bigger.

Hopefully Nat had caught the shield. Hopefully that little child was save now. Hopefully Nat would be save too. And she would find Bruce and they would comfort each other because he would be dead by then. Maybe they would find happiness.

A smile found its way to his lips and Steve closed his eyes. The image of Natasha's smile lingered on his mind.

And the city blew up.

* * *

It happened fast, too fast for Nat to realize what had just happened. One second Steve was walking back towards her, the next she was holding his shield in her hands, a screaming kid attached to it. Like in a trance she handed the object over to the crying woman waiting for her daughter.

Then she looked down. When she saw him, everything came back to her.

Sokovia was falling. She wasn't. Steve was.

She was save while they would be blowing up the whole rock - with everything... everyone on it.

 _I'm not leaving this rock with one civilian on it._

Natasha felt tears running down her cheeks. She kept staring down. The lifeboat started making its way back towards the helicarrier.

The wind was deafening and her ears felt like they were ringing. This was not how it was supposed to be. Ultron shouldn't have been able to make it this far. Just because they had wasted their time joking around, splitting the team up and dwelling on the past this whole thing had gone downhill.

They were leaving the falling city behind fastly and Natasha kept standing at the edge of the small carrier, not moving, not caring.

And Sokovia exploded into what felt like a million pieces.


	30. The Sugar Plum Fairy

**October 30th: The Sugar Plum Fairy**

 **(Ballet-AU)**

„This is a catastrophe!", a man in his 40s ran his free hand through his hair and paced back and forth in front of the stage. After a few seconds he stopped and eyed the papers in his other hand briefly. He turned to the people sitting in the front row in silence.

„We are supposed to be all done by now! The premier is next Saturday. That's in five days! Do you understand?"

He let out a sigh and when he received no answer he continued rambling: „Listen... this is a very important job for us... we are only now becoming a bigger business, international success! If we don't show perfection here in St. Petersburg no one will hire us anymore!"

He just shook his head and rubbed his temples: „We have one last background to do and it is important to make it as perfect as the others. That is why you will work in shifts. Two people will work the days, 9 hours from 9 AM to 8 PM with two breaks. It will be you two." He pointed to two of his four employees.

Then he turned to the other two: „Steve... you will take over at 8... Rogers, are you listening?"

Steve was leaning back in his chair and nodded: „Of course."

The instructor rolled his eyes and repeated the task: „You will work from 8 PM to about 2 in the morning. One hour break total and you can use that time however."

Afterwards he turned to the last team-member: „Lola, you will take over at 2.30 AM and work until 8.30. You have one hour breaktime as well."

The woman nodded but didn't look particularly excited.

The boss motioned Steve aside while the others went back to their rooms to catch some sleep before their new scedule would start tomorrow. Steve wasn't sure what he had done wrong. He had been employed by a start-up-business three years ago. They did all kinds of art-projects all around the globe and now they were at their all-time high - doing the backdrops and some of the props for the St. Petersburg-ballet. They had a new Sugar-Plum-Fairy and a new director for their revival of The Nutcracker this holiday season. That meant an all new look.

The boss looked down on his leaflets to make sure then addressed Steve: „During your time painting you will be up above the stage because on stage they will be rehearsing. That is no problem, right? Halfway through you can come down. It's easy."

Steve nodded, relieved that there was no real problem: „Yes, that will be fine."

Later that next day Steve arrived at the theater again, cup of coffee in hand. He heard music coming from the auditorium and walked in. His co-workers were already gone and had lifted the backdrop for a forest scene he was supposed to be working on up to where it wouldn't bother the dancers.

Steve walked down the rows at the side of the space but stopped midway. The dancers were in simple work-out-clothes, but even without costumes the whole performance was magical. He could immediately tell who the female lead was.

Her steps were graceful and he was sure she wasn't dancing, but floating. Each of her movements was perfectly smooth and effortless. Her read hair was a harsh contrast against delicate porcelain skin. She was hypnotizing to watch.

Quickly Steve shook it off and stopped staring since that was not appropriate during rehearsal and it was not like the dancing was any of his business. He jogged the rest of the way to the ladder and climbed up to work on the forest.

His co-workers had left the paint and utensils behind clean and ready for him to use. He carefully placed his coffee down and started adjusting the color-palette. He continued to outline trees with harsh brushstrokes. More often than he liked he also found himself glancing down at the dancers below.

A rehearsal was nothing special really, but to him it seemed like magic. No, SHE seemed like magic.

The hours ticked by and the music had changed more than once while the canvas had lost a lot of its light-beige primer and the forest in front of him had gotten greener. Steve decided to relax his hands for a few minutes and looked down. He leaned on the railing. He didn't understand much about dancing, but he had heard the song before - it must be well know.

All the other dancers were standing in the background like statues. the only one dancing was the female lead. She moved with the music like a puppet, attached to strings. Her right leg shot up as if pulled higher and higher and she started spinning. Like a feather she tiptoed from left to right and as he was watching he almost forgot how to breathe. It felt like an insult to not hold all his breath in while she was dancing.

When the last note sounded she smiled and all the others swarmed around her congratulating her. That was probably a difficult part of The Nutcracker.

Steve had thought it would be hard to come to the theater for the next five nights, painting for hours, seeing only greens and grays and browns, but it was quite the opposite. From 8 to 11 his hand danced over the canvas, painting details to the music. When he was watching the dancers below he could only see her vibrant red hair and her sweet smile.

It was Friday night - dress rehearsal. The first time he could see them wear their costumes and even though he had deemed that impossible, she was even more beautiful than before. The dress was in typical style for ballet. It's color somewhere between champagne and rose. Gold-dust was shimmering on the skirt while sparkling flower-ornaments and violet details covered the upper body. A golden tiara was fixed to her hair which she had in a tight bun.

Steve needed to force himself to keep working and not look down. The backdrop was almost done. It only came down to the smallest of details which he was adding - the finishing touches.

Suddenly he heard the first chords of a familiar piece of music - the last dance, her last dance. He put the brush he was holding in his water-jar and leaned over the railing to see her dance. The music was louder today, the orchestra was practicing with the dancers again. It was beyond beautiful and unlike anything Steve had ever experienced before.

The chatting under his feet soon died down and Steve was about to start painting again when he heard someone curse out. Curiously he looked down. It was her. Steve hesitated for a moment, but then he climbed down his ladder and approached her. His steps clearly audible on the stage. She looked up at him, first in surprise but then she smiled.

„Is everything alright?"

„Yeah... I mean... my shoe is getting thinner and I didn't have plans replacing this one before the first performance, but everything is alright." The dancer sat on the floor looking at her ballet slipper.

Steve knelt down to look her in the eye and stretched out his hand towards her: „I am Steve... the guy painting above you since a few days."

She smiled wider and shook his hand: „I noticed... I am Natalia."

Steve struggled with his words since he didn't want to seem like a stalker: „I... I saw you dance and... it is amazing, it's so beautiful."

Natalia let go of her shoe and stood up bringing him with her: „Thank you... it means a lot. Dancing is my life."

Picking at his fingers Steve faced her again: „That last dance. It was the best thing I have ever seen."

Natalia giggled: „Oh... you mean the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. Yes, it was a hard piece of work, but it is a great feeling to finally master it."

Even her laugh was beautiful. Steve tried to make sense of all his thoughts to reply to her, but she was faster to speak up again: „Are you done with the forest up there? Can I see?"

He nodded slowly: „Almost... but as good as. Of course you can look."

She picked at her skirt briefly before making a step towards the ladder, but Steve held her back: „No... wait. You'll get paint on you costume. Maybe that's not the best of ideas..."

She looked down on herself and nodded: „Oh... yes, you're right! I need to change of course. Wait for me up there. I'll be there in a minute."

Natalia rushed off and he stood alone on the stage. Hesitantly he climbed up the ladder again. He cleaned his brush from before the talk properly and then he heard steps and there she was. She was peaking up and pulled herself up all the way.

He assisted her with a hand and she stopped in front of the painting. In an instant her lips parted in awe: „Wow..."

Steve scratched the back of his head: „Well... it's not completely finished. My co-worker will add the last bits and pieces."

Natalia shook her head and looked away from the painting facing him: „No... it's really good. It looks so real."

He smiled: „I'm glad you like it."

She leaned against the railing and looked at the forest again: „Are you seeing it on stage tomorrow?"

Steve shook his head: „I'm afraid no... we are supposed to leave tomorrow in the afternoon."

Natalia's smile wavered: „Is there another job waiting?"

He shook his head: „Not yet. But this one here will be done."

She hesitated before looking at him again: „Well... maybe then you could stay. I always get several tickets for free in case I have anyone to invite to the performance. I would like to invite you. It would be a shame if you missed seeing what you worked for all those weeks."

He smiled: „That's a crazy idea... but I like it."

Natalia giggled again: „You do?"

Steve nodded and looked at her again. He would watch her dance all evening. „Yes, but what would I do then? I don't know anybody in this city."

Natalia looked away from the canvas again and met his eyes: „You know me now. I can show you around."


	31. Wanda's Birthday

_It is not October in particular and not quite 2018 anymore, but I don't like incomplete things. So I give you the missing four chapters for this collection. Please tell me in the reviews which one you liked best overall. You can also review (some of) them individually if you have time to spare! :) It is hard to decide, but best writing experience was number 15: Icarus - I like the tone of the one-shot. Thanks for reading folks!_

 **October 31st: Wanda's Birthday**

 **(Post AoU, pre Civil War)**

Careful not to wake anyone Steve made his way down the stairs to the common rooms of the New Avengers Facility. It was hard for him to fall back asleep once he had woken up so he decided that 2 AM was a great time to make some popcorn and watch TV.

He stopped in surprise when he didn't find the room dark, but a light was shining through the half closed kitchen-door onto the hallway. Steve approached the door and heard a muttered: „Shit... what the fuck..." He grinned and opened the door up completely to make his presence known.

Natasha's head shot up and she sighed when she saw Steve enter. She was standing behind the kitchen counter. All kinds of boxes and bowls spread across the whole kitchen.

Steve closed the door behind him and looked around. There were packages with balloons and festoons on the kitchen table.

Then he walked over to stand next to her behind the counter: „What's going on?"

Natasha sighed and put down the mixer in defeat: „You know... it's Wanda's 21st birthday tomorrow...", she shot a glance at the clock, „today."

Steve smiled: „Of course I know. We all bought her presents together."

Natasha nodded: „Yeah... but I wanted her to have a cake and decorations and I also invited some people so we can have a party tonight. I bought drinks and I have plans on cooking food from Sokovia, but apparently I'm not even capable of baking a chocolate cake to probably I should not try..."

Steve shook his head: „Nonesense! That is a wonderful idea. Wanda will love it." He eyed the dough sitting in the bowl in front of her: „Why is that not okay? Looks fine to me."

Natasha looked up to face him. On her cheek little spots of chocolate made it clear she had tried real hard to make that cake: „Well, that's not the problem. But taste it. Something went wrong."

Hesitantly Steve grabbed a spoon and tasted the dough. It wasn't sweet, but tasted like really wrong. He put down the spoon and started giggling.

Natasha pouted: „What's so funny, old man?"

Steve grinned at her: „Looks like you confused sugar with salt to me."

Realization dawned on her and she let out a frustrated growl: „Oh my God... Why does stuff like that always happen to me?"

Steve grinned and lifted the bowl up: „Come on... let's just throw this away and try again. I'm helping and we'll finish faster."

Natasha thought about it for a few seconds before nodding: „Right... So what am I doing?"

Steve walked over to the bin and threw the dough away before quickly washing the bowl and placing it in front of her: „You mix. I add the ingredients and read the recipe. That should work."

Natasha mumbled some insults under her breath but didn't protest. She picked up the mixer and washed it too. Then they started.

Steve poured the dough into the baking dish and Natasha opened the oven for him. He looked at her and grinned: „Do you want to taste it again before I put it in there? Just to make sure, you know."

She rolled her eyes and abandoned the oven: „Oh fuck off, Rogers... Those boxes we have all look the same and so do sugar and salt."

He put the cake on the baking tray and closed the oven door: „That's why they're tagged, you know?"

Natasha looked over at the clock and set a timer: „Okay, from now 25 minutes."

Steve checked the time too then looked over her shoulder at all the stuff she had thrown on the table: „Great... that should be enough time to decorate this place."

They walked over to the table and started filling some balloons with helium. Natasha then walked over to the table and went through the stuff to find the fairy lights.

One of the packages slid down and fell onto the floor. The two Avengers bent down at the same time. Their hands met on top of the plastic-pack while their foreheads bumped into each other.

Natasha started laughing immediately: „Ow... this proves again that we're the same kind of stupid."

Steve grinned and looked down to see what they were trying to pick up: „Yeah... I guess it does. What even is that?"

Natasha looked down briefly before looking up again and their eyes met: „It's a sash that says 'Birthday Princess'."

Steve let out a laugh: „You of all people are into things like that?"

Natasha shrugged and closed her hand around the sash and his hand while standing up again: „Why not? It's fun and everyone knows what's going on. Laura had them on her bachelorette party and I enjoyed that more than I like to admit."

Steve wasn't sure if he should let go of her hand, but he kind of didn't want to and unconsciously pulled her closer: „Natasha Romanoff is a romantic... that's interesting."

Nat smiled and brought her face closer to his: „There's lots of things you don't know, Steve..."

He returned the smile and pulled a strand of hair behind her ear with his free hand: „Enlighten me."

She smirked: „What do I get in return?"

Steve looked down on their hands briefly: „Is my help not enough?"

Natasha followed his eyes with hers and closed the gap between them: „I'd like something else."

Without any further thought into it he pressed his lips against hers. The kiss was sweet and soft, but soon it turned into another kiss and another. Their lips parted inviting each other for something deeper than a peck and hands traveled down the sides and backs of each other's bodies.

Suddenly a high pitched beeping sound started filling the kitchen and in an instant they parted. Natasha looked over at the clock and grinned: „Cake's ready..."


	32. Update

Hey guys! :) I am doing this again this October and I'm doing Romanogers again. If you are interested, check out my new collection _You Turn Nouns into Verbs_


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